Movie Review: Resident Evil Retribution

We start off right after the last movie ended.

Well, no. We start off about 5 minutes after the last movie ended, then go in backward Slo-Mo to when the last movie ended over the credits and some really odd music. Then we get our classic Alice voiceover- but this time she calls the Red Queen psychotic.

Milla is knocked into the Water, and wakes up with the guy from the first movie and a bad hairdo. She has a kid, Becky and when the husband goes off to work, he’s attacked. Becky and momma go hide in the attic and then escape in a serious Zach Snyder Dawn of the Dead rerun here and Michelle Rodriguez is BACK in a Hybrid! Suddenly a truck comes out of nowhere to take out the hybrid (Just like part 2)- thankfully all the Zombies wait until the pair get out of the wreck before catching up, even though they left Michelle behind. Hiding in a CLOSET works against the Zombies for some reason. Finally the Husband shows up, his face splits and fade to black.
Alice wakes up naked on the floor- and who gave her a towel? Jill Valentine shows up to become a Bond Villain.

“Project Alice. Who do you work for”

The computer is hacked and Alice is not only given clothes, but a way out. Soon the computer reboots and Alice is chased outside by the Laser Grid. She is able to get a gun and a chain powerup before the rain and some zombies chase her back inside.

Cue the Fight Scene

It’s impressive, but goes on WAY too long. One thing to notice is one girl takes 4 headshots. Soon Milla is in another room where she gets more powerups.

Ada Wong shows up to fight, I guess that means something to gamers?

We get the backstory on how the virus spread so quickly. The Russians, Americans, Chinese, Japanese were all shown it and they bought it after seeing how well it worked in the simulations.

She tells Milla that she is on the same side, and they are in a submarine pen built by the Soviets and bought by Umbrella. Luke from the last movie is with a commando force to get her out. The Red Queen pops up and says everyone is going to die.

Yay.

I kinda like the setup, all the way up until I stop with the preview above. Then it all tends to fall apart. We get boring, seen it before, cliche small squad vs zombie force, pow pow bang bang crapola. I do like the fact they set a timer, but they rarely call it back until the end it’s like we have 2 hours, but lets not say crap for one hour and 55 minutes. Then the countdown becomes REALLY important. Geez.

I can’t say I enjoy the mind control spiders. You would think a mind control tech would be implanted or put somewhere other than ON HER BOOBS. I mean it’s just lazy. That’s the best way to explain this movie, LAZY. I’m just ready for this thing to end. Plus the ending is interesting, if this was part 2 and we KNEW it was going to be the end of the trilogy. Plus the sad thing is, and I’m not going to spoil it- but it makes about 2/3 of everything we know about the character just useless.

I’m going a 3 here. I can’t see it as rewatchable, and I’m just tired of it by now. I took a LONG break between movies 3 and 4, and this is 5, and I’m not going to the theater for the Final Chapter, I might care to watch this again when it gets to HBO.

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