Movie Review: The Rezort

After George Romero has squeezed every dime out of the Zombie Franchise, and SYFY has gotten every last penny out what was left, there was final victory over the Zombie Horde.

For some odd reason, there is an island where Zombies are still running around, and rich A-Holes can go this island, stay at a rezort, and kill thier fellow humans. Don’t worry, we don’t get that deep into why people want to do this until the movie cares.

So we meet our grouping that we are supposed to care about, until something goes wrong and the Zombies attack.

So.

Archer – who is just a head shooting badass, so he’s gonna die.

Alfie – English prick #1 who won the trip online gaming – might as well be wearing redshirts.

Jack – English prick #2

Sadie – Just got dumped, and is here to forget the guy. We know we got problems here because she goes to the resort for the sole reason to kill Zombies, but won’t touch a gun.

Plus our couple.

Lewis and Melanie – Lewis is a vet of the War, so he’s going to die, and Melanie is the non-vet with PTSD, so she is either going to be Laura Croft or die screaming.

Also the CEO is there, and we can’t wait for her to die. For some reason the company that runs the rezort also runs a shelter for refugees. Guess what the people find out later out about the refugees.

I’m sorry, did you need spoilers tags? Is this your first zombie movie?

So how is Rezort?

Not good.

I mean really, not good.
The characters you don’t get to see long enough to care, and you know all about the redshirts, and the people you are supposed to care about you don’t.

I mean, you think the company is doing something wrong, so you disrupt all the security so they overrun the island and kill everyone?

I understand the whole making an omlet by breaking a few eggs, but this is literally slaughtering a whole bunch of people for no reason. I have a bit of a problem with the rest of the group being more or less OK with her excuse that “I didn’t know” I almost think I would drop her out of hand, just for being he cause of it.

I have a major problem with the whole “close a door, run, close a door, run” aspect. It gets tedious, and yes, they have a solid reason for why they have to keep moving, but then again, at the end, they make it useless, going all Nick Cage at the end.

I’ll give The Rezort a 2. I just didn’t enjoy it. The idea of a Rezort is the only real original thought in the movie, and the rest of the movie has all been seen before and better. The acting is decent, and the effect are the only thing really keeping it above water.

For a Zombie movie, there are far better options.

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