Jason Statham on a boat. I can never tell if he’s depressed or if that’s his normal resting state.
Statham goes to a res truant, and HOT CHICK sits down next to him, saying she knows who he is, and that he faked his death (Last movie I guess) and she wants 3 men killed, apparently Jason likes retirement, and when he takes a picture of her, that starts a REAL interesting fight, very well done. Then a Bond-ish escape and Statham is on the run.
He comes to an island, and researches the woman, soon Jessica Alba shows up wanting to use the first aid kit. The island woman sees the busted lip and bruises on her arm and asks if she needs help. Alba says no, and so Island woman goes to Jason Statham for help. He goes to the boat, and saves her mid-beating. When he knocks the guy out, he falls and hits his head on random metal things and dies, Statham searches the boat to see who they are. Jessica Alba having helpfully passed out.
Statham confronts Alba about what he found, and the score REALLY hurts here, can barely hear what is going on. PLOT DUMP ALERT. Holy cripe this feels like a Transporter Movie. I’ll let you figure out what the plot is, but if you can’t I think Boss Baby looks really good.
There is nothing new here. The best part of the movie is the Swimming Pool kill that was in the trailer. I wanted inventive kills once I get into the MEGA PLOT DUMP. How does it take so long to setup Jason Statham as a new James Bond?
Mechanic hits the old travel-Bond HARD, going to Australia, Bulgaria, Brazil, Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia – sometimes in a matter of hours between them. Had to explain to my kid how far apart Thailand was from Brazil when the movie shifted.
The larger issue? We have seen all this, and it takes too long. How many times have we seen the ONE guy take down an ARMY of thugs with a pistol? The kill count in this movie is SIXTY-FIVE. Holy Moley! The bad thing is the plot gives us a reason for 3. The rest are just generic people getting shot.
The saving grace of this movie is Tommy Lee Jones, but by the time we get to him, I just didn’t care anymore. I was burnt out of the generic single male able to shoot everyone cause he’s a bad-ass part of the movie, and I got that WAY too much here. I’m going a 2 here, just watch the trailer and move along.
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