2017 NFL Draft Diary Part 1

As for tonight, the question is where do I watch the draft. I did the NFL network last year. And with ESPN firing over 100 on camera people, let me do that one- since I don’t think I have watched 10 hours of ESPN this year. Geez, could I name 20 ESPN on air “talents”?

So lets pop on ESPN at 7:00pm CST, because I’m tired of pre-shows for the show.

I’ll try and update every commercial break, and no complaining about the spelling.

Commercial at 7:01. Is it too late to change my mind for NFL network?

The Browns better take Myles Garrett, just overthinking into a QB is why they suck year after year. I mean the Cowboys had a 4th round nobody lead them to playoffs. Don’t get me started with New England.

Gotta love how the NFLPA is trying to break the NFL Greenroom, and make money on top of it. Smith is a jackass.

No Chris Berman for the first time since the 1834 Draft. I remember Stephen Douglas going in the 18th round that year. Trey Wingo says in his honor, they are going to make the draft special. Uh, OK.

The Commish is onstage, and the crowd boos. I’d love for him to go gangster and tell Philly to go fuck themselves, and the draft will not be here next year. The Browns are on the clock.

Hell, the Browns have been on the clock since August, and if they drag Mitch first overall, they are on the clock for the 2018 draft.

Browns have had the first overall pick 3 times, Tim Couch, Courtney Brown being the other two. They have had 2 first rounders twice. 1 for 8 on those. Can we just say they suck drafting? I don’t see how they are all about analytics and take a guy other than the top-graded guy.

Mel Kiper Jr is all fired up about Myles Garrett, and how Mitch isn’t among his top 50 guys. Brownies down to 5 minutes to go. WTF is taking them so long? They fielding offers?

Gruden questions Garrett’s effort at Texas A&M. Kiper might punch him. I will admit, I wasn’t stunned by him vs LSU, but again, you just need to be a HOF for a dozen plays to be a great player.

4:05 and the pick is in.

The Cleveland Browns Select:

Myles Garrett      DE     Texas A&M

Who saw that coming?

Solid, no-brainer pick. Who cares about his music choices? ESPN!

We learn that he almost went to Ohio State for the Dinosaurs.

Off to the NFLPA Profit Center for Randy Moss to ask the pivotal question:

“Brah, how you feeling”

Moss also wants to know what QB Garrett is going after first, and he says Big Ben, because he is hard to get down. You would think he would name the Browns first opponent, just to say he’s QB number 1 to make his name on.

We have a trade!

SF gives #3 , 3rd and 4th and the 2018 3rd rounder.

Bears get #2

For one friggen slot? Really? Holy Shit. This guy better be Ronnie Frikken Lott.

Solomon Thomas is supposed to be the target. Everyone loves Solomon Thomas. I do too for that matter. Why in the BLUE HELL does it take until a minute left to put the pick in? The Bears moved up and weren’t sure yet?

The Chicago Bears Select:

Mitchell Trubisky      QB     North Carolina


The crowd is stunned. Mitch is smiling.

The Bears are dumbasses.

Trey Wingo: Things just got interesting.

That sound you hear is everyone’s Mock draft exploding.

Hey, Earl checks in- Bears taking Trubisky at 2 is insane. They have Glennon and Trubisky. 2 unproven QB’s.

No Shit. Glennon was overpaid, and also a ACC guy, but are they going to sit Mitch for a year to learn? This is BEYOND stupid. I mean, he’s a UNC guy, and I’ll root for him, but this is just stupid with Glennon on the roster. I bet the Packers and Vikings are loving this stupidity.

Gruden isn’t even overly happy with this dude. That should tell you something.

Cons: Struggles against Blitzes.

Thats not good.

Mitch is all happy with the love he was shown by the Bears, and Trubisky says he didn’t even get a phone call. That says a lot.

We are commercial free for the rest of the hour- or 42 minutes left. 4 commercials later.

The San Francisco 49ers Select

Solomon Thomas      DE     Stanford

I guess they were not able to move back again, as the Sheffty one was talking about.

Good solid basehit pick. I don’t think he’s a superstar, but I think he plays for a decade.

Earl Checks in: Solomon Thomas at #3 works. Smart of Niners to move down and still get who they want.

Mel likes the pick. I bet they had to hose him down after the Mitch Pick. Damn I still can’t understand that.

Solomon Thomas is the highest non-QB pick ever from Stanford, even though they have had at least 3 first overall QBs taken (Plunkett,Elway, Luck) good factoid there I miss. I wonder if ESPN fired all the stat guys.

6th straight year of a top 5 pick by Jacksonville. DAMN.

Please take Fournette

Please take Fournette

Please take Fournette

Please take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take FournettePlease take Fournette

The Jacksonville Jaguars Select

Leonard Fournette      RB     LSU


I mean I love the kid, saw him a TON at LSU, but I did not want him on the Panthers. Jon Gruden loves the pick. I do too, I just didn’t want him. Jacksonville has a TON of talent on the offense, just not a lot on the offensive line.

Titans are up next, with the theft of the trade last year. Hey Bears fans, paying attention?

Again, it’s taking forever between picks. I wonder if the NFL doesn’t allow them to pick under 5 minutes for the TV people?

Ruben Foster, Jamal Adams are the best two guys out there for Gruden, but he’s thinking WR. Oh please. We are HALFWAY to Carolina! Kiper thinks Johnathan Allen is the best player left. Kiper says it’s Allen.

The Tennessee Titans Select

Corey Davis      WR     Western Michigan

Oh I bet Earl is happy. Two bad picks in the top 5, and neither of them being his team, that has to break a streak there, right?

Earl checks in: If the Jets don’t take a safety at #6, I will act a fool.

Don’t blame you there. If I ran the Jets I would call the Chargers, to see if they want to be Bears Stupid ™ and then run the Jamal Adams pick up there. Just a stroke of luck here.

By the way, Davis is good, but he’s in the clubhouse as my bust leader. I wasn’t that impressed with him, and he’s got a hurt ankle. Mike Williams is better. Period. Kiper talks about his problem dropping passes. Gruden even has some issues with him. Great job Titans! You dang near was gifted a pro-bowler and leader on defense.

Sal Pal is on the scene, cause he’s always at Jets Center. He says Adams was on his list as the top guy they wanted. Jamal Adams is on the phone in the green room. Last 8 first round picks were on defense? Holy Cripe! Time to first the scouting director Earl! Apparently there are a lot of people wanting that 6th pick, but the Jets didn’t want to move.

The New York Jets Select:

Jamal Adams      S     LSU

Great Pick. Earl must be jumping up and down in his jammies over this. They even throw in the potential of going QB as a need. A smart move by the Jets?

Earl checks in: Yes. Jamal Adams y’all…

Coach Ed is in the Green Room! Is every coach going to do that? I mean, makes sense to get on TV. The panel love this pick, as do I. Again, wife is an LSU fan. Dude is a beast. Earl, go get that jersey, you’ll be happy for a decade.

Jamal is happy that the Jets held their word that he would not get past them. Damn, I’m almost jealous that Earl gets to see this dude on his team.

Chargers on the clock. One pick for the Panthers to go. Mike Williams and OJ are there so we should get one of them. Chargers can’t take them both, and someone woke up Mort- I think this is the first time we have seen him. Dammit Shefty talks McCaffery going to Carolina. NOOOO

We get a brief history of the Chargers moving around, because it’s not like a DRAFT is going on. Let’s blow LA more! Trey throws out they might be looking to for the next Phillip Rivers

The LA Chargers Select

Mike Williams      WR     Clemson

OJ is still there Carolina!

Solid pick by Chargers, great move. The draft party is at Disney World. That’s just awesome. ESPN shows the neck injury. Dude is a BEAST. Damn I wish he had lasted one more pick.

Carolina time baby, I love Greg Olsen, but going run-heavy with a two tight end set? Yes please. We go back to Mort and Adam where all they talk is running back. Oh Hell No. Mort says they liked McCaffery more than Fournette. Oh Shit.

Thats all we get from ESPN before the pick

The commish gets lost on his way, but comes out with the 2014 Man of the Year Thomas Davis to make the pick.

The Carolina Panthers select:

Christian McCaffrey      RB     Stanford

Dammit, Tommy you should have changed the pick. Davis even says WR instead of RB before correcting himself.

Pause to throw things.

Throwing more things.


Ok. Everything in the house is dented now. Good thing I have kids to blame that on.

Earl check in while I was having a tantrum: Cam should be happy with McCafferey. He’s versatile. Panthers offense need weapons

We get a Berman tape on teams taking running backs. Kiper defends what he said about never drafting a RB in round one, and Christian isn’t a RB. Gruden compares him to Darren Sproles. HOLY SHIT. The wife is a Saints fan, I saw him for years, I wouldn’t pick him 8th overall either!

Earl: OJ would have made more sense. Surprised he has not gone earlier

Well, I think OJ would go top 10, but figured the Chargers might get him. But also, there were two dumb picks that let him fall.

Earl: Bears taking the QB and Titans taking Davis were real curveballs.

Interview with McCaffery as ESPN could care less about the Bengals. Geez. Pick has been in for 2 minutes here. First time we have had 2 running backs go in round 1 since 2005. Kiper and Wingo go back and forth on it.

The Cincinnati Bengals select

John Ross      WR     Washington

wow. Thats what we hear after a LOOONG period of silence until Trey is able to say something. Snoop Dog was his coach in pee-wee. I care why?

Earl: Run a 4.22 40 and you’re the number 9 pick in the draft. I see why the Bengals drafted him but John Ross screams bust to me.
I cannot agree more. Corey Davis is off the hook. Ted Ginn Jr was fast too. DeShaun Jackson lite? Oh, thats what I want 9th overall.
We have a Trade!
ESPN cannot get to commercial long enough, but they do mention KC has traded up.
Pick is in before we are halfway done with the commercials .
KC gets #10
Buffalo gets: 27, 91 and 2018 first rounder.
Thats not much to give up to drop that many spots. I do like the first rounder next year when the QB is Alex Smith. Wingo says it has to be for a QB. Gotta get ahead of Cleveland here. Kiper says it’s going to be Mahomes.
The Kansas City Chiefs Select:
Patrick Mahomes II      QB     Texas Tech
Watson is RIGHT THERE. Gruden was dead on, but really? Alex Smith could play for another year and Watson could sit and watch.
Kiper loves the pick, Gruden likes him, and the other guy says that he does make bad throws trying to make something happen. He says he should have gotten picked off more.
Kiper says that he should be great since he gets to learn from Andy Reid who made Brett Farve a Hall of Famers. Yeah ok.
Earl: Surprised Chiefs traded up and took Mahomes over Watson. Mahomes got a big arm but I would have taken Watson.
Watson has got to be pissed. Dude is better than either one of these two.
Off to part 2!

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