Movie Review: Species II

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We kick off Species with a really cheap looking model going over a planet, guessing Mars, and then the top comes off and a lander launches out. Odd. Why would you not go like a dropship, instead of wasting energy going up and around an orbiter. Anyway. The module lands, picking up some soil samples- and it’s Mars, and then the lander going under the model. Holdup, so you have a hole in both the top and bottom of the spaceship and you decided to go up? He’s on the surface for about 5 minutes by the way. No idea why we sent humans for that quick a mission. Back on earth Peter F’N Boyle is screaming “I told them not to go” but the President – Richard Belzer! Congratulates the people. The Crew are about to come home, but some black goo is now seeping into the main spaceship. To pad time, we get the entire 30 second countdown. Then the goo splatters everywhere, and Peter Boyle goes nuts at his sanitarium. The Captain of our fearless crew says there was a malfunction and they are coming home- closeup on his eye.

Now we get Marg Helgenberger who is in front of a nekked Natasha Henstridge- no real reason why she’s sitting on a chair buck nekked when everyone else is in a lab coat and fully dressed. Not complaining, just asking. This Natasha was grown in a lab and has been kept away from all males. For fun they dip her in a toxic gas and watch her self-repair. Marg explains that after she’s been exposed to an agent, it’s no longer effective to hurt her. Marg Helgenberger looks much better as a redhead, by the way. This new Natasha is called Eve, and she’s not happy with her situation, but Marg tells her that it’s a necessary evil.

The astronauts are told they are all clear, but have to wait 10 days to have sex, for some reason, and they are allowed to go out into the population. Funny, the female astronaut is the one whining about the ten days. James Cromwell is a senator and gives a speech about how great his son is, ignoring the other two people. This kid is doing his best John F Kennedy impression, while his daddy is talking about JFK. SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT. The Captain gives a little speech about how fragile the Earth is and how easy it would be to destroy it.

Natasha is watching TV, and being monitored. The technicians joke about how low her pulse rate is (what do you expect, she’s watching baseball.) The captain is having a threesome- and well, the one girl is done, and is insta-pregnant. The other one is not having a good time, due to all the – well, tendrils coming off the guy. She’s screaming, the chick in the bathroom is going nuts and a baby bursts out of her stomach. Later, the guy leads two kids to a storage shed out in the woods. Natasha passed out due to stress.

The next day, the Captain is whining to his Senator-Daddy about how something is wrong with him, and James Cromwell gives him a scoop of don’t give a damn. Cromwell tells him to keep his dick in his pants and he will be president. Peter Boyle is still in the rubber room, and the guy that is doing the bloodwork is all panicking over something he sees. The bottle of Captain Ross spills over and yup, he dead. Marg is brought in and says well, it’s Alien DNA, but it’s not Eve. So they bring in Michael Madsen who is off being a badass security honcho to track it down.

So how is Species II

Kinda crappy. I think it’s better than it’s reputation, but not that good. I think there was something there, the special effects are not bad, and they tried but there is a whole lot of missing here as well. Part of the problem is Captain Ross is just a shit actor. For a movie that loves to slam in for closeups, he’s just got a blank look, not an intense look. For some reason we have a great cast or people we know, but the one person we need to really care about, is the worst actor of the bunch.

There are a ton of questions on this one. Ross has the ability to bed pretty much any female out there, and has a place out in the woods where he can hide bodies and children. Why go on a murder-spree? When he goes to Whore-Town, why just pick one and go? Why not go building to building and rack up a couple dozen kids? Not to mention the ending just shit. Of course the Black Man has to be a carrier of sickle-cell. Really? We gotta go there? Things like that minor spoiler is just utter crap and a reason why this movie is just awful. I wont give it all away but if you have reached that point of the movie, I’ll leave the rest to you.

You can stop now, I’m giving Species II a 4. It’s utter crap, and not even the super fine Natasha Henstridge can make it better.

Final Thought. You got Marg and Michael killing everything that moves and kids, no less, but they load Natasha Henstridge in the Ambulance and there is a kid there? They just let it go? Just let the kid ride along? Damn. That’s just lazy and another obvious setup for the sequel. Same thing they did last time around, but then they forgot it for this movie. Will they do the same thing for Species III? Find out next time.

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