Movie Review: Godzilla Final Wars

Alright, so the Monsters keep attacking, because Toho keeps making money of it, but they are tired of breaking out dumb storylines, but this Power Ranger fad just won’t die, so they start the Earth Defense Force, who I swear sounds like something I remember from Command and Conquer. These Mutant Humans are trained to fight the monsters.
Soon a submarine comes up from the surface, chasing a monster, and holy crap, is that Don Frye? I had to look, and yes, that is DON F’N FRYE, The Humans are able to kill the monster in a pretty cool sequence for a Godzilla movie. Don F’N Frye is called on the carpet by some woman for almost losing the ship. Being Don Frye, and being 97% MAN and 3% Mustache, tells her to get in the kitchen and make him a sandwich.

2 of the Power Rangers fight in a combat arena. They get in trouble for some reason, and I want more monsters.
Soon they get orders to escort some biologist to a new creature they discovered. He doesn’t want to do it, but gets ordered, and of course, the biologist is a HOT CHICK, because Japan.

As they look at the creature, we find out that it is thousands of years old, soon our three people, cause we have added an old person and next they are transported to a rocky set, and we come across twin pixie girls to talk at the same time, because Japan. They give the group a talisman from “ancient times”

Finally back in the US, there is a huge flying beast terrorizing New York, making buildings explode just by flying near them. At the Earth Defense Force, they are about to send help, but Okinawa and Paris is under attack! Protect the Landmarks! For some reason a single trailer in the middle of Arizona is also attacked.

A newscaster in Vancouver tells the people to stay inside, and listen to the Radio.
“Sorry about the flying moth, please calm down with the melodious velvet fog of Mel Torme. ”
Soon the Earth Defense Force ship, that looks like a Klingon bridge with better lighting, show up and attack! In all the awesomeness, we see

Godzooky. Dammit.

Back in generic city, the Power Rangers attack one of the monsters with flips! In the middle of the attack, the monsters get teleported away. Some Alien ship has shown up with Matrix/Steampunk outfits on to hang out and save them from getting hit with a rouge planet.

So now we get a whole lot of Mutant People w/Hot Chick trying to find out whats going on, and if the Aliens are really here to help.

This is a Godzilla movie, remember? It’s damn near at the ONE HOUR mark TO GO that he shows up. Seriously. Over an hour with the Power Rangers before the big guy gets here. The story isn’t bad, but I just felt that we spent way too long with “Handsome Japanese Star looks at Camera and does stunts with Perfect Hair” over and over again, while waiting for the monster battles, of course even when we do get the final battles, we keep flipping over to the mutant humans. For some reason as a child I loved the Godzilla movies, as I have gotten older, I tend to get a bit tired of the constant desire the thrust the humans into the spotlight over the monsters, and when we do get the fights, it’s very badly done. I understand these are not trying to be Citizen Kane. They are pulp monster movies, but holy crap, we go over half the movie before we see the titular character, and then we get a lot of quick fights. To be honest if there wasn’t for Don Frye showing up, I’d almost put a serious hate on this film.

I’m going a 4 here. I just felt everything done here was done better in other Godzilla movies, and for people like my son that has never seen a Godzilla movie, it would not make you want to run out and get another one.

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