Welcome to The Blog About Nothing. It’s the 24th of March and the month is coming to an end. Spring has begun and the ice that was on the ground is melting. The flowers will soon bloom. It’s a period of growth.
Growth and development is key. Last week I asked myself why I never really embraced personal interactions. I’m an easy going person, but I find now that I am taking the time to look back on things, I didn’t make too many childhood connections, and even as an adult that’s a place of difficulty for me.
Of course that distance is not limited to just friendships. It’s a block I’ve placed on relationships as well. Before I go into this blog, I’m not some hermetically sealed never had interactions kind of fellow. I’ve had interactions, but I have never had anything meaningful and I’m curious to why.
I should admit that this blog is fueled by two things. First, the rapper Drake has released his playlist More Life and the track Nothings Into Somethings where he sings about finding out that a love of his is now engaged has me in my feelings. Why?
I recently discovered that a young love of mine is now married. Facebook sucks when it comes to things like that. It really does. It shows you things you may not want to see, so thank that dumb ass People You May Know feature for this week’s work.
Well, no. I’d be lying. I have to thank my nosy ass self for doing a Google search that eventually led to her husband’s Facebook page. Yes, I’m outing myself as a snoop. I’ll own that. I was curious as to what she was up to, and she didn’t have a Facebook page so I became a private detective.
Anyway, in the days since, I have been rehashing every moment of our 10 year friendship. From the age of 7 all the way up to 17 we saw each other every school day. That’s elementary, junior high, and high school.
Like a dumb mute I developed a school boy crush in the 6th grade and carried it all the way out through high school. I told her I loved her before graduation. Now, when I say love, it was absolutely not physical. I never thought about her in that sense. Yes, at an age where hormones are raging and the slightest thought of anything sexual would send most boys in to needing a book bag to cover themselves, I never did think of this girl like that.
I respected her mind, her friendship, and the easiness that I could talk to her. I’ve said it a million times but my verbal expression is just not the best. I pick and choose who I speak to, and I absolutely pick and choose the levels that I want to go to with people.
With her it was limitless. Why I expressed that feeling of love. She rejected me of course. She told me I would write about her forever, and some 18 years later, she would be right about that. In the years since I kind of hoped I would bump into her somewhere, and something, anything would spark from that.
Did not happen. Sad to say. Maybe I can become her second husband. I typed that with a sly smile on my face by the way. I don’t expect that to happen obviously, but I have to be honest when I say that I have not felt that kind of connection with anyone since.
As I said earlier, I’ve had what I call interactions, but nothing serious. I’m chasing that same feeling. Someone who’s mind, friendship, and compassion that I respect, but also likes me in return. That’s the key you know. You have to get that in return.
I’ve recently began talking to a young woman that I kind of admire. She also doesn’t like me in return, so I won’t go too far into it, but maybe my hesitance for personal interaction is leading me to be attracted to women who just don’t want me back.
Then again, I might just need a psychiatrist. Hell if I know. Maybe I need to stop listening to Drake before I become the crying face Drake music be like meme. Hell, who hasn’t cried to Drake before? I mean, he does that to the best of us, right?
In all seriousness Nothings Into Somethings has me in my bag. It inspired me to write this blog and share yet another kernel of truth which I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Thanks for reading and supporting 7Poundbag.
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