Welcome to The Blog About Nothing. It’s the 17th of March and it’s Saint Patrick’s Day. I’m at work dressed in full green, like I usually am on Saint Patrick’s Day. Before I did my ancestory.com profile I thought I had some Irish ancestry.
I don’t know why I thought that, but I did. However, after my DNA profile was returned, I discovered that I had no Irish ancestry, very little British ancestry, and despite my profile returning as 93% African, I had some markers leading to Scandinavia and the Iberian Peninsula.
I’m not Irish but I’m wearing green. Nothing can stop my liking of Saint Patrick’s Day and my loving the color green. So, as I sit here feeling like Kermit the Frog’s cousin, I still got to put together a blog. That’s easier said than done this week.
This week I feel like the singer Frank Ocean. I got two versions! Two versions! When Frank put out the album Blonde, he tweeted that he had two different versions. He did. He had two versions of the lead single Nikes, and two different versions of the fanzine that came attached with the album.
So, like Frank, I have two versions. This is not the first version of this week’s blog. My first version I found too personal to share. I wasn’t exactly putting all my business in the streets, as the kids say, but when you can’t read something back without your eyes welling up, you’re probably better off not posting it.
Writing for me is therapeutic. It has been ever since I was a kid. My skills at verbal expression are lacking sometimes and it’s easier for me to express certain feelings in writing.
However, too much, can be too much. I write a weekly blog here on 7Poundbag. Some weeks I don’t post due to writers block. However, I also find that my best blogs are the ones that come from the heart. So, as much as I try to blog from the heart, I often ask myself if I’m putting too much out there.
Rapper and Grime artist Stormzy recently released the album Gang Signs and Prayer. In his debut album, the British artist, made an album that was intensely personal at points. One of my favorite tracks is the closer which is called Lay Me Bare. In Lay Me Bare, Stormzy articulated things that most rappers don’t necessarily feel the need to diverge.
Writing is therapeutic, but it also allows me to display vulnerability. However, when is too much, too much? I typed up my first version earlier in the week, not too long after speaking to two friends, and having a conversation with my sister.
I was in a pensive emotional state and despite a few tears in the eyes, I typed out exactly what I was feeling. Then I thought to myself: how comfortable am I knowing that family, friends, and strangers can read this? Not that comfortable it seems.
So, I’ve got two versions. Two versions! Maybe one day, I’ll put that first one out there but I doubt it. I’ll keep that one for me. For now, you all got this. It’s not nearly as impactful. Not nearly as personal, but for now it’s the one I’m putting out there.
I’ve recently reconnected with a few childhood friends. Childhood memories are funny for me. The older I get, the more I remember the events of my youth, but like all people, there are things you’re not willing to access. I’m guilty of blocking things out. Why? It felt necessary to me at the times.
I’m not one of those people who walk around holding grudges or someone on Facebook like “I’m not talking to that person because they bullied me”. I’ve known folks on that side of the aisle, and I’m not on it. Life is too short. I laughed off a lot of shit as a kid because that’s just who I am. So, why hold that against someone as an adult?
That’s now how Earl is built. So, as I was saying, I recently reconnected with some childhood friends which is weird for me. I went to school in a different neighborhood than the one I lived in, so outside of school I really didn’t know my classmates. It’s kind of awkward to be in a Facebook group with people sharing memories that I had no chance of being a part of.
Once that school bell rang, I was in a neighbor’s car heading back to my neighborhood and these kids were hanging out in the park or at other people’s houses. I didn’t have that. Come to think about it, as I go down the list of schools I’ve attended, I didn’t make many friends.
That’s not something I thought about 10 or 15 years ago. It’s something I think about now. Why didn’t I make friends as a kid? I knew people, and people knew me, but I didn’t have a lot of friends. I didn’t make many personal relationships as a kid, and now I wonder why that was the case.
Truth be told, as an adult I’m not much better. I’ve avoided interpersonal relationships and I wonder why. I’m a big Facebook guy but I currently have only 172 friends. Why? I’m not sure.
Facebook, and time are some scary things. Both make you think, and now I’m looking back at childhood like “what the fuck happened”? Why does it all feel so isolated? Why does it all feel so distant? What did I really belong to? I’m not sure. Cool to see familiar faces, and piece together memories but the more I do that, the more questions I have for myself.
That’s my issue though, and like I said earlier, I’m not into putting all my business out in the streets so I’ll stop here. If this makes you think, cool. If it didn’t? Sorry I’ve wasted a few minutes of your day. Well, you could waste it on worse stuff than reading this man’s real talk. Lol.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for supporting 7Poundbag.
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