Movie Review: Phantasm

Believe it or not, I have never seen this movie. I know of the spheres and all that good stuff, but never actually seen the flick. I found the DVD in a bargain bin, so time to fix that little issue.

We start the movie with a quick interview with the Tall Man, and he well, ruins the movie.
Seriously, if you have never seen the movie, as I have not, he just gave it all up. I won’t ruin it for you- but it really pissed me off. This would be like Jaye Davidson showing up at the beginning of the Crying Game and saying, “Hi! I play the chick in this movie.” Just killed the movie for me.

Anyway, let’s get into the movie.Phantasm 1

In a graveyard, two people are getting busy. After a nice little boobshot, she pulls out a knife and kills the guy. Well, damn.

The dead guy was a good buddy of Jody, who is stuck with his little brother, Mike, as they have been orphaned. Mike doesn’t go to the funeral, as he is still messed up from losing his parents, but has no problem sneaking up to the cemetery and watching through binoculars. Seriously. He sees mortician (the Tall Man) grab the casket and lift it into the hearse, and for some reason this freaks him out enough that he breaks into the building later and is attacked by Jawas. Seriously, I know this was in production at the same time, and they just happened to have the same idea, but this kid is going kiddo-a-kiddo with flippin JAWAS. He’s able to fight them off, but comes across the whole reason we are here- the Sphere. He’s able to avoid it, but a random worker is here for a jumpscare, then he gets the ball in the forehead. A drill comes out, and the man’s blood is sprayed out the back of it all over the floor, when the man hits the ground (if you have a good copy) you can see where the man has peed himself. On commentary, the writer is really proud of that part. Forget the sphere spraying blood like a geyser all over the place, we have PEE! Why there isn’t blood all over the place, I have no idea.

So now the boy has to convince his brother that something is really wrong in the mortician’s place, an ice cream vendor gets involved, and who are the Jawa’s? Finally what was the deal with the HOT CHICK in the beginning?

So how is Phantasm?Phantasm Sphere

It’s a product of the 70s, and pretty cheaply made, but they used every dime they could find well. They also have a solid cast, even though the movie makes me want to care about the kid than I ever really do. We get a whole abandonment angle between the brothers and so forth, that really doesn’t go anywhere, the Ice Cream man becomes more important than he should ever be, and the Tall Man isn’t as scary as Jason, or Freddy or any major horror character of this age.

This movie is a bit of a mess. We have plot threads that go nowhere, it tries to play “is it a dream” far to much, trying to be too cute. That really hurts the flow, in my mind. This movie is slow enough to try and add too much or try and be coy. I just can’t go really high on this, and I’ll give you more than a spoiler alert than the DVD did.

I’m going a 4 here. For some reason this is a classic to so many, and I watched this movie 4 times in under a week trying to get it. I just didn’t for some reason. I simply did not enjoy this movie. See the spoilers for more.

Spoilers

Spoilers Shead

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