Movie Review: Resident Evil Extinction

Welcome to Resident Evil Beyond Thunderdome!

Alice wakes up in YET another mansion. Holy cripe, this is monotonous. She dodges the Laser Beam weapon and even a guillotine, but a ball comes up out of the floor and Alice Dies! Holy crud, she gets dumped into a trench, and the camera pans out to see a ton of Alices, all dead. That’s an awesome way to start the show. I guess this is some kind of clone proving ground? Considering oh bulky Nemesis was, he’s not making it out of here either. I have no idea how a chain-link fence is able to hold back a few hundred zombies for any amount of time, but whatever.

Resident Evil Extinction Birds.pngAlicesThe world has turned into a big bag of suck as the T-Virus is everywhere, and even plant-life is dying. So yeah, It’s a Mad Max world, and we are living in it.

We get Alice wandering around the desert, and she hears a distress call. When she goes to help, it’s a group of bandits who want to use her for entertainment. She is able to defeat the dogs, and use them against the people and escape. It’s a pretty good fight, but doesn’t make a ton of sense to waste a good-looking redhead in this world.

Soon Alice meets up with a convoy of survivors, and guess who happens to be in there, why it’s our cop from the last movie, and Mike Epps! I know I know, the pre-teen who already has the Virus and the HOT CHICK are not here, but who wants to see that, right? We do have another backup female, but she’s too busy being tough.

For some strange reason, my DVD has a knockoff of the Birds on it, and everyone is being attacked. Soon, even though gas is the whole reason the convoy just keeps rollin on, they have a flame thrower and it just shoots randomly. The guy firing it gets killed, and the flame keeps going. Nothing like a trigger lock on a FLAMETHROWER. The funny thing is people shooting pistols at a flock of birds. Damn these people are stupid. Somehow these people in armored cars are getting attacked because the small windows have mesh on them, but not the huge windshields, damn I am actively hoping they all die. Only the bus has mesh on all it’s windows, and the driver sucks at driving. The bus hits the ONLY telephone pole in three states. Alice shows up and now she can control fire. Seriously. She takes the flame from the flamethrower and makes the worlds largest KFC bucket. Yup, the hot redheaded chick can now control FIRE. Damn, why didn’t Hitchcock think of that?

Resident Evil Extinction BirdsMeanwhile, Ser Freindzone is still being evil, and he needs Original Alice blood to not only destroy the T-Virus, but turn the zombies into docile slaves. Man, if only he had captured Alice once, twice, three or even 4 times where he could draw her blood and put it in one of those cold-thingy boxes to keep it viable.

We finally find out that Alice left the group when she figured out that Umbrella can track her and felt that would be dangerous for the group. Of course, that just means she’s right next to them when the movie catches up to her.

Next up there is a rumor that Alaska is safe, and even though one of the guys says his vehicle is on empty, he still has 100 miles to go before he has to walk. Thankfully Vegas is only 87 miles away. When they get there, for some reason everything is blocked by a Boxcar, and then for some reason they have to open it, of course, it’s a clown boxcar, as there is like 50 guys in there. How they get past the bottleneck is beyond me, and why Alice doesn’t go all Carrie on them I can’t figure that out either. This starts off interesting, then runs way too long, but it does the job of thinning the convoy herd, but it takes a clown boxcar to do it.

Alice has taken full control of the movie, no one comes close to dominating the action here, screw you everyone else, this is so much Alice, we got to have two of them! One thing about that, I don’t care about anyone else at this point. This series has gotten to the point of a horror movie where we know the final girl, the question is who is she bringing with her?

So how is Resident Evil III?

Alice has gone from enhanced to Super-Hero. While the KFC sequence was cool, it was a pretty dumb thing plot-wise. I did enjoy this movie more than the other two I have seen previously, the plot holes are bigger, but this one actually has a coherent plot! The set pieces are somewhat done well, the actors are all trying, and Ser Freindzone is always fun playing the scary scientist. I’m going to go a 6 here. I have enjoyed this one more than the previous two, and look, we didn’t have to throw every Hot Chick in Spandex to keep my interest! The ending could make a really interesting part 4, but knowing this series, it won’t followup.

Spoilers? Sure.

Spoilers Shead

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