Bond Overview: Sean Connery

Bond to me has to exhibit the perfect spy. Able to outwit you, outshoot you, and beat the shit out of you, and the rest of your buddies if need be. Bond also has be able to nail the woman you are with, and pickup a third party on the way out the door, since Bond is written by a guy in the 1960s, an era when all you need is a nice suit and a smirk to get a pile of panties a foot thick at your feet.

As I said in Diamonds are Forever:

I love Connery, and he’s a much better actor when he cares, but sometimes you can kind of tell he doesn’t care. It’s almost like some movies they want him to be a baddass, when he shouldn’t be a bad ass, maybe stealth would have been better. Not so with Connery. He’d much rather just stroll into the Lion’s Den, and punch the head guy in the mouth, and then see what happens.  I have to forget that he’s the first Bond. Not to REALLY piss off the Connery Fan club and forced to turn in my Bond card, but its almost like the Star Wars films, you can’t judge the first ones (1-3) by the later ones (4-6), the spirit has changed, the world has changed. The Bondness of Bond has changed. You never think of Brosnan just whupping a dozen guys ass and just standing there afterward, you’d never think of Daniel Craig just pimpslapping some woman to get information.

Script

You Only Live Twice – Starts off so well, then goes all kinds of wrong.

Dr No. Someone want to explain this to me again? We spend so much time building Bond, Jamaica,  and Honey Rider, we forget to really give Dr No a real plot and anything to do. Goldlady

Thunderball / Never Say Never Again – A plot so great, they got 2 movies out of it.

From Russia with Love – Kinda simple, just stealing a Lektor. Seems a little low-key for Super Bond

Diamonds are Forever – I’m with it all the way until the end, a space weapon to take out Atomic arsenals? Up until we get there I’m with you.

Goldfinger. Just perfect. We spend so much time building up Goldfinger and and Oddjob as a threat to bond, who just keeps nipping around the edges and outwitting the bad guy, the only flaw is only Bond’s magical penis saves the world.

 

Bond Girl Ranking
Helga Brandt Tatiana Romanova
7. Helga Brandt –
You Only Live Twice
6, Tatiana Romanova
From Russia with Love
pussy galore Thunderball Domino
5. Pussy Galore – Goldfinger  4. Domino
Thunderball
Tiffany Case Honey Rider
3. Tiffany Case –
Diamonds are Forever
2. Honey Rider
Dr No
never say never again Domino Petachi Fatima Blush
1. Domino Petachi
Never Say Never Again
BONUS: Fatima Blush
Never Say Never Again

 

Henchmen

Red Grant – Great Fight, but no personality.

Helga Brandt -You Only Live Twice-  Not bad, then Bond’s Magic Penis turns her.

Domino – Thunderball / Never Say Never Again – Tried to be impressive, but the bloated script kind of hurts her, and of course, being turned by Bond’s Magical Penis hurts her ranking. Oddjob

Professor R. J. Dent – Dr No – Tries to kill Bond with a Spider. I got nothing.

Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd – The Diamonds are Forever – Best thing about that movie are these two.

Oddjob – Goldfinger – Yes, Random Task is just the man, and the iconic Henchman.

 

Main Villain

Blofeld. -You Only Live Twice –  Not physically imposing, and runs for his life at the slightest bit of trouble. He does a great job killing underlings though.

Dr No. Dr No -Not really scary, Didn’t really need the Budda-Crushing claw hands. Absolutely a horrible fighter. Dr No Actor

Largo – Thunderball / Never Say Never Again – Not a bad job, just had too many underlings that couldn’t do their jobs. Maybe if he had gotten laser beams on the sharks?

Blofeld – Diamonds are Forever –  -Pretty ingenious plan, right up until the end. You would think simply simply taking over the Diamond trade would be enough.

Rosa Klebb – From Russia with Love – Just an awesome villainess, but the foot blade? Good as a sneaky weapon, but dead on? No.

Goldfinger. Its hard to categorize him as anything but the perfect villain. He’s even got the best line in the entire Bond legacy.

 

Plot.

Dr No. Uh, what was the big plan? Oh yeah- jamming the signal to American Rockets that fly over Jamaica? Well, then, glad I asked.

Diamonds are Forever – Melting nuclear weapons from space. . . OK.

Thunderball / Never Say Never Again – Capture 2 Atomic Bombs to blackmail the world for straight cash, homey.

You Only Live Twice. Capturing Space satellites to make the US and Russia go to war so Spectre can take over the survivors?

From Russia with Love: Hard to Complain. Take out Bond. Steal the Lektor. Move on.

Goldfinger This one is tight. Corner the worlds Gold market, then nuke Ft Knox to cripple the US. If you remember the US was on the Gold standard at this time, that means even more.

Final Ranking

Diamonds are Forever

I gave this one a 4 on my Review

BlofeldThunderball

I gave this one a 4 on my Review

Dr No

I gave this one a 5 on my Review

Never Say Never Again

I gave this one a 5 on my Review

You Only Live Twice

I gave this one a 5 on my Review

From Russia with Love

I gave this one a 7 on my Review

Goldfinger

I gave this one an 8 on my Review

 

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