James Bond Movie Review: Never Say Never Again

I hate to admit this, but I actually do like this song. Pretty good 70s soul-ish.

Bond throws the grenade, it goes off, letting out a shrieking sound. Slightly less annoying than the title song. Funny thing is one guy apparently thought it was a flash grnade, as he is just rubbing his eyes. He comes across a co-ed, who as he is untying her, stabs him. Well, that’s one way to end ConneryBond.

Meeting at M, we find out that this is a training exercise. Apparently the New M doesn’t much like the double Os, and James has been pretty much just been teaching since the new M took over. M tells Bond he’s old, and Bond retorts he’s still ready to go, and instincts in the field are different than in training. M tells Bond he needs to cut out all the free radicals and gives him a list of thinks everyone loves. Bond agrees to cut out white bread. I approve.

Never Say Never Again MingMeanwhile, a woman goes to meet all the other evil masterminds of a secret organization, lead by . . .HOLY SHIT! Its Ming the Merciless! Hot Damn! Oh wait, he’s just assigning the woman to the main plot, something about an Air Force guy having the same retinal scan as the President. Damn. Ming vs Bond? Forget Ted 2, this is the movie I want.

Back at Club Free Radical, Bond is hitting on every female in sight, with some success. The woman shows up again, beating the shit out of the Air Force guy for smoking, since that could mess up his eye. He’s also a heroin addict. Bond catches him doing something involving a retinal scan, but stupidly gets caught peeking.

The next day, the Pilot is gone, and Bond is working out, when some big dude attacks him in a gym. If I was going to fight a dude, the weight room might be the worst place. Bond even throws a barbell weight at the guy who shrugs it off. Considering I just watched Moonraker, and how horrible that fight was. This is pretty awesome. The fight ends when Bond grabs a chemical and throws it in the guys face and it burns him- looking at the bottle, and its his urine specimen. 7 kinds of awesome here.

M blames Bond for the fight, and suspends him. Meanwhile the US have launched two warheads, and the Air Force guy has used his new eye to not only swap out the dummy warheads for real ones, but also redirect them to where Ming the Merciless can get to them! Who knew the Presidential Eyeball was so powerful!

So now Flash, er Bond has to stop Ming!

Well, no, Bond gets to go after Largo.

never say never again Domino PetachiSo how is this one? Oddly enough, I found myself enjoying a good bit of this one. Kim Basinger is always hot, and Sean Connery just fits the mold of a hard ass, of course. Parts of it do drag, and the video game segment fits better in a Roger Moore Bond than a Sean Connery one.

1. How creepy is the Dance Studio? He just has one way glass to spy on Kim Basinger? Not that I blame him, but still.

2. He gives her the tears of Allah? Really? He puts a map of where his top secret stuff is on a jewel and forgets to take it back from her when he tries to sell her off?

3. An underwater fight is dull by rule and hard to pull off, and underwater fighting the DARK? Thats even worse.

I think this one is a good bit better than Thunderball, mostly because I care a bit more about Kim Basinger, the fight is better, and Connery is actually working like he hasn’t since Goldfinger. The budget is better spent than in Thunderball, and yes there are better parts in Thunderball (the card game vs the Video Game) I would have to place Never Say Never Again as the better Movie. I’ll give it a 5.

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