Movie Review: All the Kings Men

Never heard of this movie, but for some reason I was thinking it was the Huey Long movie, as I kicked off All the Kings Men, I did see the State of Louisiana Logo, so I thought I was in the right place, but then Jude Law shows up and we get a bit of corruption talk, so now I know I have the wrong movie. But Louisiana corrupt? I never heard of such a thing, but I got time and it seems good so far, get to see a few “That Guy” people and James Gandolfini already, so lets move on.

Sean Penn is in his overacting best, and with his crappy Louisiana accent and is a true believer politician, railing about corruption in the Louisiana school system. Whaaa? That never happens, not even today! But he is defeated for re-election. Kinda funny when he gives a speech about the truth coming to light after time. I have no idea who the writer here thinks he or she is kidding, especially after complaining about how Sean Penn tried to talk to the people who just didn’t care.

All the Kings Men Jude LawJames Gandolfini shows up, and convinces Sean Penn he should run for Governor, and right after Jude Law and some woman discuss how Penn is running to split the vote so the big money can win- like that ever happens- and the very next speech, Penn goes off on the establishment and Gandolfini, literally, into the mud. Penn goes on and on about standing up for the little man, and building a bridge across the Mississippi (Named after me, because I’m the one who built it) schools and hospitals for the colored and all that good populist stuff. We get a ton of Penn and Jude Law talking, and Penn wins the election.

Now all of a sudden, because we don’t care about anything but Jude Law, this honest Sean Penn, who wouldn’t even drink in front of a political bigwig who was going to run his election money – er, campaign- is now drinking like a fish, screwing a dancer and being a sellout. There is ZERO reasons given for this. Penn wants to create a hospital for the good of the people, and raises taxes on the rich, even on building a road to Shreveport (where I am). All good stuff. The powers that be are not happy, of course, and start to cause trouble, including Anthony Hopkins as Jude Law’s Godfather and the man that raised him. Anthony Hopkins rises as the biggest problem Sean Penn has, so Penn gives Law the job of digging up dirt on Hopkins.

So yeah, we have some serious problems here.

1. All the Kings Men doesn’t care about why Penn falls. He just does. The movie spens so much time talking about how great Sean Penn is, then Penn does a 180 and gives us no reason why or why to care? Did he like the power? Did he want more? Did the dancer get expensive?

2. Is Jude Law the only guy Penn can use to find out what Anthony Hopkins did? This is Louisiana, no newspaper person worth a dime doesn’t know where all the bodies are buried, the problem is, none of them care. Not to mention the fact that Anthony Hopkins only has done ONE bad thing in his political life? Only taken ONE bribe?

Please. Louisiana politicians have taken more bribes than that while you are reading this.

All the Kings men river3. The Hospital. That’s what the big thing is. That’s it. Louisiana has a ton of hospitals and schools, so much that when one closes it’s not even front page news a week later. Mark Ruffalo is wasted here. People in this state get caught stealing all the time, and it never really damages them long term. We had a Governor go to federal prison for bribery, and before he turned down the job, won several polls to put him back in the Governor’s mansion.

4. The whole deal with the woman going swimming and Mark Ruffalo and Jude Law just watch. There is no real reason for it. She doesn’t drown, as we see her all during the movie, but the whole point again, is Jude Law and his feelings.

5. Yeah, It’s Huey Long. I guess we got this whole Stark thing to avoid a lawsuit.

6. Finally, we have these great actors- all with REALLY BAD accents. Jude Law is from Deep South Louisiana no accent. Sean Penn makes up for it, I had to back it up a few times to figure out what the hell he was saying, and I’ve been in Louisiana since 1991.

Finally, I won’t give away too much away here, anymore than I already have, but let me just say I would avoid this movie unless you are a fan of one of these actors and you just have to see everything they do. I can’t really see a reason to watch this movie, and I wont watch it again. For a movie set in the 50s there are so many points where you see things that don’t fit, and this movie just can’t be bothered to care. I’m giving this one a 3. It’s not offensive, it’s just a waste of time.

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