Movie Review: The Seventh Sign

The Seventh Sign is most famous as the Demi Moore picture where they guy keeps yelling “will you die for him” over and over. I still remember the commercials for it. I don’t think I’ve seen this movie for a decade or two, so lets see how the Seventh Sign is, shall we?

In Haiti, dead fish are piling up on shore, a strange white dude is just walking and watching. Now in the desert, a town is frozen, and the weird white dude is still there. Moving on to Demi Moore, who is pregnant with the guy from Terminators’ baby! Demi Moore is the mother of John Connor! Anyway, her Husband, when not saving the Human Race, is a defense lawyer with a client on Death Row, a  . . . let’s just say mentally limited young man who killed his parents because they were Brother and Sister. This not being (insert state here) that’s not a defense, the kid is refusing to plead insanity, saying that his parents deserved to die and he was told by God to kill them. Demi and her husband have rented a room to the strange white dude, and he’s a professor of ancient languages. Demi is constantly worried about her baby, and for some reason her rentor stresses her out when he keeps talking about the baby and when she goes snooping she finds a piece of paper headed by the expected due-date of the baby news clippings of violent world events, and automatically assumes there must be an evil plot afoot to harm the baby.

Uh, yeah. So she steals the paper and goes to find the oldest Jew in the area, but touches him and since he’s holy, his wife freaks out. Thankfully, he has a neighbor that also knows all about the writings on the paper. Yup, Demi is going to save the world assisted by a 15 year old kid. Of course, he knows nothing about Revelations because “Its not his book” that gives me a legit laugh. So Demi and the Kid go RENT A HOTEL ROOM so they can swipe the Gideon Bible so they can learn all about the seven seals that will bring about the end of the world. Basically there is this place in Heaven called Guff, where all the souls are in storage, and that room is almost out, when it runs out, the next baby- uh, does something. Guess who the first baby is when there is no more room?

So how is the Seventh Sign?Seventh Sign WD

Oh Lawd. Let’s leave all the religion aspect out of it, and this movie still makes little sense. Jesus comes back after two thousand years cause Heaven is empty? And its up to some random chick to save the world, and reset the clock? Where do all the extra souls come from? So the Supreme Being can’t just crank a few million souls out unless Demi Moore does something impressive?

What are the odds the next baby is in America, you’d think the next one would be in China or India, and it would be a little hard to find a Hasidc Jew in Hong Kong either. But again. My larger problem with this movie is all this build, lets find the last myter, whats the Blood Moon etc, and it all comes down to Demi Moore making the same choice pretty much every mother in America would make in about ten seconds.

I really can’t recommend this movie, its a quick movie, doesn’t take a lot of time, but its not really worth the ride. I’m going 3 here, just because its not horrible enough to go lower, but not good enough to be any higher, just a plain lousy movie. Sad part is? There is potential here.

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