2009 NFL Draft Review

Watching the Draft Old-SchoolNFL DRAFT

Pre-Game Thoughts

Heyo! This is David Snipes, senior editor of the NFL section as well as the publisher of this operation, and I did something a bit odd last weekend. I watched the draft…

No, of course I watch the draft every year, but this year I did it a little different. I went to my in-laws house. I had no Internet, no DVR, I never even swapped over to the NFL NETWORK — just me and ESPN…

Here are my live notes from the Draft. Just in case you are wondering I read Bill Simmons, Jason Whitlock and quite a few others so yes, I am stealing his NBA idea. I have The Sporting News, Sports Illustrated and three newspapers to keep me pre-draft happy — plus all the NFL stuff off our Informative Sports website.

Nice Oher piece, I wonder if he will get the gold medal this year, oh, sorry, I thought this was the Olympics for some reason.

1 – Detroit Lions – Matthew Stafford – QB – GeorgiaStafford Draft

Good luck to him, but the Bobby Layne karma is simply unreal, the football gods will smile on Detroit for this. Especially if they get him some O-linemen, some coaching and a few wideouts… and a defense.

2 – St. Louis Rams – Jason Smith – OT – Baylor

Why did take the Rams so long to make their pick? No one wants to go this high — and they knew Stafford was next — move it, move it! Really, did they think the Lions were going to swerve the NFL? (That would be funny, though…)

Let me get this straight, Mel Kiper dings the pick because its not Mark Sanchez? By the way Mel, you have Mark Sanchez 5th on YOUR OWN BOARD — they took the HIGHER RANKED PLAYER ACCORDING TO YOU! HOW can YOU Ding them?

3 – Kansas City Chiefs – Tyson Jackson – DE – LSUtyson jackson

Hey! I got an idea- let’s draft an LSU D-Lineman! That worked so well last year! The Odd part here is Jackson was the earliest LSU defensive player ever picked — that’s odd. The wife loves the fact that UNC has had both a 1 and a 2 come off that defense and the MIGHTY TIGERS have only had three top-6 picks ever…

KC, you blew it, first highlight they show is him making a tackle 25 yards downfield. Name me 20 running backs that most defensive ends can catch with a 5-yard head start in the NFL.

Someone draft Mark Sanchez, I’m tired of seeing ESPN fall all over Mark Sanchez, hey did you know Mark Sanchez is still available?

4 – Seattle Seahawks – Aaron Curry – OLB – Wake Forest

Lime green for the Seahawks draft hat? That is one U-G-L-Y color there, the Seahawks have a nice logo — why ruin it? Did Linda Blair buy the team? Please pick Mark Sanchez.

Curry has a great post draft speech. Seattle should love this guy. I saw him play quite a bit and if he keeps the weight off (water weight — get it?) he should be there for the next decade.

5 – New York Jets (from CLE) – Mark Sanchez – QB – USC

Our national nightmare is over! Mark Sanchez has been drafted — there is white smoke from Radio City Music Hall ! Wait… Browns get another quarterback? Ratliff went from being draft lucky and completing with Kellen Clemens for the starting job to DEEP THIRD in Brownieville.

ESPN Graphic snafu — their bottom board is SLOW to update — 4 minutes after the Sanchez pick they finally flip over to the Bengals. Bristol is still high-fiving and partying — WE GOT MARK SANCHEZ — turn out the lights and let’s go home.  Jets didn’t give up much though… Kenyon Coleman is the key here.

6 – Cincinnati Bengals – Andre Smith – OT – Alabama

Does Andre know where he got drafted? He is WAY too happy to be a Bengal .

Odd, they quit showing Mark Sanchez and McShay’s grades after the Sanchez pick — do these picks matter anymore?

7 – Oakland Raiders – Darrius Heyward-Bey – WR – MarylandAl Davis

They may need to move the time back to 15 minutes. They have way to many photo-ops and posse meetings on the stage. If a team takes less than seven minutes to get their pick in, that stage is going to look like Lewis-Tyson up there.

Oh yay — another Sanchez interview. I feel bad for Curry and Jackson. All they care about is Mark Sanchez. These guys are going to start DAY ONE —  Sanchez might not even see the field this year!

If I owned ESPN — if you are not in the Green Room, I’m not talking to you until later in the Draft when I have time to kill while Mark Sanchez updates Wikipedia. I want to see BREAKDOWNS of picks and upcoming  teams rather than guys sitting on the couch playing Minesweeper on their iPhones.

HOLY CRAP!!

Stunned the room — I wish they had the dais on split screen so we can see the flames come out of Mark Sanchez’ hair when they drafted Bey. Did I miss something watching Maryland this year? VIRGINIA shut him out — how do you think the defenses of…

no, wait. He’s going to the AFC West… they don’t play D there.

Crabtree must have pooed himself when he got passed over. ESPNite said someone let out a sigh of relief. Your 2009 Oakland Raiders! DHB shows NO EMOTION, guess he knows more than Andre Smith does about the NFL.

Hey! We got Herm Edwards at the children’s draft dais — was Matt Millen busy? Perfect timing: Mark Sanchez has to go re-Chia his hair and only Herm can explain how “We can build on this!”

BAD JOKE AHEAD

Herm could state “we could build on this!” if the Raiders drafted Demetrius Byrd 7th overall.

END BAD JOKE

Be happy, Crabtree — no matter where you go, life is better than Oakland …

8 – Jacksonville Jaguars – Eugene Monroe – OT – Virginia

Monroe is picked and ESPN doesn’t care — still killing Raiderland over there. Guy barely got face time on stage. Guys, we have MONTHS to roast the Raiders — years, really — can we talk about the next guy?  (He’s going to be a bust by the way — I saw nothing stunning out of him…)

9 – Green Bay Packers – B. J. Raji – DT – Boston College

We see our first WAR ROOM. The two Packers guys there are statues — they are not even faking work, they are just SITTING THERE. Are they dead?

Raji’s room just EXPLODED — the Packers might pick him?? There is still 4:20 left… Ha! If this was the Bengals pick that would be too funny.  There is an old dude in the back dancing — kind of reminds me of that guy on Chappelle’s Show who would do the robot in the background.

2:30 Left and Still no pick.

1:40 Left- they still have not picked him — maybe the Packers want to sign him before they select him? Per Mel’s needs the Pack don’t need a DT — does he know that the Raji posse is celebrating? Oh wait, last show they are all calm.

Packers want him to sign 16 years, $82.7 million dollar deal — only $1.74 is guaranteed. Raji is holding out for no pink bikes at Packers camp.

Now with 42 seconds left and the rehearsal is done — Raji’s room explodes again — and there is the old guy dancing again!

10 – San Francisco 49ers – Michael Crabtree – WR – Texas Tech

San Fran bum rushes the stage to get Crabtree. They don’t need a wideout — but no way they pass this guy up. Mike Smith said a few picks ago there is no way he passes by the Niners. Unless he blows a quad getting up to talk on his cell phone for the 8,340th time he is in the “Gots ta Go” position.

Hacks say Crabtree doesn’t have blazing speed but has good hands — OK, call Jerry Rice and tell him he has a roommate. And on the way, stop by Lowes and get a pallet of bricks.

Steve Young says the Niners Legacy is dead. Duh, hey Steve what gave you the clue? The Idiot Owner, the dumb draft picks, the horrid free agency moves,  the sheer burial of Bill Walsh? This Niners team could have Vince Lombardi as coach and John York is going to screw it up.

11 – Buffalo Bills – Aaron Maybin – DE – Penn Stateaaron maybin

Orakpo should have gone here. I’m not impressed with Maybin. Sadly, all the good OTs are gone, Oher might be the best one left and he’s a reach but the Bills love to reach — don’t they have Donte Whitner?

I wonder how many hats are at these guys houses — they “claim” they don’t know who is going where but as soon as they are picked a hat magically appears for them to wear. Is there like a giant box of hats sitting in the agent’s car with a cousin getting 50 bucks to go get the right hat? Or is it like a Velcro patch and they just swap the Hat out? CGI? What posse person is designated “Hat Guy”? I bet its like Riley on Boondocks. Thugnificent gets drafted and Riley is jumping out to the car to get the Hat! Yeah-Yeah!

12 – Denver Broncos – Knowshon Moreno – RB – Georgia

The Broncos replace Cutler with . . . Moreno ! Alright! They need a running back- they have 17 on the roster. I guess they are going with the Nebraska offense and need fresh legs. Lord knows there aren’t any Defensive Ends out there.

13 – Washington Redskins – Brian Orakpo – DE – Texas

The Redskins have the quickest pick so far. 2:15 and Roger is up on the stage. If Moreno was in New York , Roger might not have made it to the podium. HOLY MOLEY!

That is one YELLOW hat there! Hat is the color of the stripe down the middle of the road! Orakpo looks old — I mean Greg Oden old. He looks like he should be the one holding the jersey out for the draft pick. I think he’s older than the Bucs coach.

We see our first glimpse of Donald Brown

WHOA — HE HAS NO POSSE — there is NO one here! Dude you are about to be a Multi-Millionaire. You are at a small town, HIRE some friends. Geez, I feel sorry for the guy — don’t they have some freshmen he can make come to his party? Get some pizza and chicken wings and invite the neighborhood!

14 – New Orleans Saints – Malcolm Jenkins – CB – Ohio State

Saints have got to be loving this pick. Jenkins should have BEEN gone. Yes, he’s slower than most elite corners, but if he can tackle he’s a great fit — and heck, he only needs to be as good as Jason David and he’s there easy.

15 – Houston Texans – Brian Cushing – OLB – USC

Finally a USC linebacker! don’t get me started on this pad-job by SI (that’s coming). He is 7th on Mark Sanchez’s board. Mel is a bit quieter tonight than normal.

Gotta love how Cushing had to blow off the Commish to talk to ESPNites. I almost wish I had Tivo’ed the NFL Network now.

Back to Donnie’s place — still no posse.

 

ATTENTION ALL 2010 DRAFT PICKSPosse

NEED A POSSE? Call 1-800-7poundbag

WE WILL BE YOUR POSSE!

 

We will fill your living room, and we will scream every time the red light comes on the camera! When you get selected, we will celebrate like our plane tickets were comped!

With this package:

  • Our very own Jay will call you every ten seconds and act like he’s a pro team — so you don’t get caught playing Madden 09 on your cell phone!
  • Richard will pop up and do the Robot as soon as the room explodes!
  • Kenny will have you your NFL Team Hat in less than ten seconds after you are selected!

But WAIT THERE IS MORE!!

  • Order now and Matt will ensure there is NOTHING left in your fridge –nothing left to move!
  • Anthony will make sure that the other 31 teams hats of the teams that were dumb enough to NOT pick you will never be seen again (no insurance for any other sports gear at your house)
  • Our very own Ben will make sure you have enough bling to make Deion Sanders jealous with his Mr. T collection!
  • And finally Robert will guard the door so no ugly women come in and make you look small-time.

NEVER BE WITHOUT A POSSE AT YOUR DRAFT PARTY AGAIN!!

** Posse does not include women **

Draft Continues  . . .

 

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