James Bond: Tomorrow Never Dies

Tomorrow Never DiesJames Bond:
Tomorrow Never Dies

We start off in a flea market for terrorism. Several bad guys are identified, including a “techno-terrorist” named Gupta, who is buying a GPS encoder. Bond is told to pull out by M, as the Air Force sends a missile at the convention, but when Bond shows them there is a Russian Jet with two nuclear weapons on board, everyone panics but Bond, who swipes the Jet and brings it home.

Roll Intro. This was a fun little pre-credit scene.

Next we meet our big baddie, this time it’s Ted Turner.Tomorrow Never Dies Carver

No seriously, its Ted Turner. He’s head of a giant media group, and launching a 24 hour cable news network. Seriously. CNN would be almost nothing without the first Gulf War. The only difference here is Ted Turner has a mustache and a southern drawl and Elliot Carver has a newspaper. Anyway, Carver has used some gizmo to redirect a British ship into Chinese waters, and used a special sub to sink the ship but not before swiping some missiles. They blow up a Chinese Jet, and then machine gun the survivors of the ship- making sure to use Chinese weaponry.

The British send the fleet to China to find the ship, and defend British interests, even if it means starting a war. Its going to take 48 hours for the Fleet to get there, so M gives Bond that much time to find out the truth, as the Chinese maintain that they had nothing to do with the attack. M is thinking that Turner, er Carver is able to get a few details a little earlier than they should.

Tomorrow Never Dies yeohOver to China. Bond gets into a party, and meets up with Mrs Carver- the awesome Terri Hatcher! Carver has just beaten Ted Turner. Of course, she used to be with Bond, before moving on to Carver. Carver figures this out, and sends a few goons to beat up Bond, who turns the tables and escapes. The next day, Bond sneaks into the CNN tower and swipes the encoder, then meets up with the Chinese Secret Agent from the night before, who shows Bond no love as they escape. Bond is told that Terri Hatcher is in trouble, so he goes to rescue her in his room, instead finding the always awesome Vinceint Schiavelli, who threatens Bond before going down. Bond has to use his awesome car that he control via his Nintendo DS, and escapes.

So now its Bond and Chinese Female Badass vs Ted Turner and his knockoff henchman and his. . . invisible ship? Seriously.

So how is this one?

I enjoyed this one. I thing Brosnan is a solid Bond in my eyes. He does have a solid bearing as Bond, and plays the role with a solid gravitas.

Tomorrow never Dies StamperPart of the problem I run into with this movie is Carver and Henchmen #502, er Stamper are two different men. Carver is shown to be weak considering his woman steps out on him about 5 seconds after meeting Bond, and Stamper simply isn’t a physical force to really threaten Bond. Stamper just isn’t built like Oddjob or Jaws or anyone else thats a threat. He’s just kinda generic German dude. Vinceint Schiavelli and Stamper should have been merged.  Ohhh! Vinceint Schiavelli should have played Carver! That would have been awesome!

The self driving car is awesome, the play between Bond and M and then with Bond and Q are just fun to watch. I’ve got a bit of a problem with Hatcher, yes, she’s hot-but its hard to care about her, considering she goes from “I love my husband” to “sure I’ll bang you and leave millions behind” conversely, Wei Lin is fine and all, but other than the film spending too much time trying to make her impressive enough for a spinoff, much like Jinx later on, just seems like they are trying to hard to show her off. Bond works better alone and when he’s got to make anyone else worth a shit- like say Felix or Quarrel, it takes time away from everything else.

I’ll go a 5 here, its a decent enough movie, and like a ton of other Bond movies if only we got a slight rewrite and a few extra casting choices.

Tomorrow Never Dies girlsMight want to stop here if you haven’t seen the movie. Not a ton of spoilery stuff next, its a Bond movie after all.

Lets talk about the plot, shall we?

So I’m a giant media guy- who still has these things called Newspapers, and for you kids, go ask your parents what they are. I’m stunned Carver isn’t breaking out 8-Tracks in retrospect. So we got a Media Guy that is all about building a war between F’N CHINA and Great Britain? Keep in mind, this was back in the time where we still think the British Military is just as good as the US at this time. This is also about the time that Time Magazine was running stories about how the Chinese had entire units that only trained with knives because they didn’t have weapons for everyone, like this is WWII and the Russians would have soldiers go out and would have to pick up the weapons of thier comrades to use them.

But anyway. So to sell . . .snicker . . newspapers and BOOKS, they are going through all this to get CHINA and GREAT BRITAIN to fight? They do understand that they both have Nukes right? You also understand that if war broke out, China is marching into Hong Kong and Shanghai in a heartbeat and taking it over. Thats a good bit of a loss for Britain, and I don’t think there is a chance in Hades the British can do thing one about it.

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