Since I’m over the halfway point on all these Bond movies, thought I’d possibly breakdown what I think on the individual actors and Bond eras. As I finish all the Bonds of an actor, I’m going to start breaking them down. Its going to be fun ranking all 25, I’m sure.
Let me start off with Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby.
Dalton had a short run with Bond, only two movies, the third shortest run, with only Lazenby getting the Eon one shot and the non-Eon Casino Royale. I’m not going to talk about that Casino Royale, you can read my views on that travesty here.
In case you didn’t know, EON is the production company for James Bond, and for the most part, run his world. Think Lucasfilm and Star Wars, for a decent analogy. considering we are 20+ movies in Bond, outside of two movies, Eon has a pretty good run going.
Lets Rank the Timothy Dalton Bonds. There is only 2 movies to choose from, so I’m going to add Lazenby to his rankings of the villain/Plot/Henchman/Girl
I actually think Dalton is a solid Bond.
Dalton is physical enough that I think he could last a good bit in a bar fight, and he gives the impression that while he might be the smartest guy in the world, that he could be trained in what needed to be known. Some Bond films tend to impression that he knows everything, like what year a wine is coming from or how to pilot/drive everything as soon as he sits in it. Dalton gives the impression that he could be trained to know something, and be an expert at it in a short amount of time, but not everything all at once. I think I could beat Dalton Bond in trivial pursuit, for example, but in the Geography/Political Science categories he could wipe the floor with almost anyone. He just gives the impression of the ultimate need to know guy. I enjoy Dalton Bond. He doesn’t quite get much love from people that rank him, but a good bit more than Lazenby. Lazenby is just what he is in real life, a Male Model. I don’t buy him as a physical threat, I don’t buy him as an intellectual threat. Sorry. Lazenby needs to put on some size for me to take him serious as he doesn’t move like someone that has put up his fist and waded in on someone. He gives me a “not in the face Not in face Vibe. But back to Dalton. Bond to me has to exhibit the perfect spy. Able to outwit you, outshoot you, and beat the shit out of you, and the rest of your buddies if need be. Bond also has be able to nail the woman you are with, and pickup a third party on the way out the door, since Bond is written by a guy in the 1960s, an era when all you need is a nice suit and a smirk to get a pile of panties a foot thick at your feet.
So how does Dalton measure up to the other ones?
He does look the part of a smartish guy. He has a knowing smirk and at times is able to figure stuff out pretty quickly. He does tend to get lost, but that is almost always covered up by his female counterpart. He does have to use his brain more than in some movies, such as in License to Kill, when Bond has to use that new-fangled computer thingy.
Can he kick ass? Dalton carries himself a bit like an MMA fighter, type of guy who if sitting by you at a bar, you’d think you could take if need be, then next think you know this lil dude is wiping his shoes off on your chin. Whereas Connery looks like he’d wade into a barfight, Dalton is more the type to sit back and wait to see who is worth putting his martini down for to fight.
Can he pull the ladies? Well he did keep Pam honest when she was with Wayne Newton for crying out loud, so he has to get a high mark here. I don’t think he could roll into any bar and take a woman home, but I think in certain circles, he could roll through the guestlist and take them all.
Do I think he could fill the other roles? Easily. I don’t think he’s got the brute force for the early Connerys, but pretty much any other movie he nails.
Best: OHMSS – I still think Moore would have killed this one, and Dalton would have made this a top 3 Bond film.
Middle: License to Kill. I think this is one of the better ones, but On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is so much better.
Worst: Living Daylights – Wayne Newton is a mid-major baddie people, and this one is worse. Bond won’t shoot the Blonde cause she’s hot, and then everything goes to hell. The Afganistan think just got stupid, and could have been cut. Why are the Russians in the drug trade again? Damn.
|Bond Girl Ranking|
|4. Pam Bouvier LtK||3. Kara Milovy LD||2. Talisa Soto LtK||1. Diana Rigg OHMSS|
Dalton really got the low end of the pool, did he not? Soto is nice and all, but is she even top 50 Latinas in film? Top 100? Having your Bond girl being a Simpson Sister isn’t a good sign. Diana Rigg people! Not only is she Mrs James Bond, but Lady Holiday and the Queen of Thorns!
- Milton Krest LtK
- Irma Bunt OHMSS
- Georgi Koskov LtK
Koskov wins by default. Do any of these people do anything? Any of them matter? I guess I could add in Del Toro as the backup henchman, but he really doesn’t do as much as Krest
3. Brad Whitaker LtK
2. Franz Sanchez LD
1 .Ernst Stavro Blofeld OHMSS
Oh Yes, Its Telly Savalas, he kinda has to win here, since he actually does hurt Bond. Sanchez hurts Felix the same way, ironically, and lets keep in mind, Telly Savalas LIVES! That makes you number one, pretty much no matter what.
- OHMSS – So you are going to take all these hot chicks, give them a virus that kills all plants and animals and blackmail the world? How are you going to protect yourself again? This only works if you have a space station, and even then if the world doesn’t combine to make sure you die before they stave to death. Talk about being more hated then Hitler strangling a puppy.
- The Living Daylights – Drugs for Arms, and side B is kill a Russian General. Kinda convoluted and less interesting than it sounds. Joe Don Baker tacked on at the end makes it worse for logic.
- License to Kill – Isn’t this a real thing? Drug smuggler gets out of jail, kills the cops and goes back to doing it again? Other than the Wayne Newton gimmick to set the price, this could be true to life, as long as you are ok that your coke smells like gasoline.
3. License to Kill
I gave this one an 6 on my review
2. The Living Daylights
I gave this one an 7 on my review
1. On her Majesty’s Secret Service
I gave this one an 8 on my review.
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