Movie Review: Halloween 6:
The Return of Michael Myers
This movie better be good.
Since watching 4/5 I got an opportunity to get the whole franchise during a marathon- well, up to H20, anyway- and so after watching 1-3, I can;t exactly skip over 4 and 5, since 5 is/was a “cliffhanger” and I wanted to make sure I knew what was going on before taking up the storyline again. So not only did I have to watch this one twice, but two other movies AGAIN that I didn’t like to boot!
So I would be excited for this one- the “man in black” looks like either a hunter for Michael or an ally- but then again this is the same franchise that dumped Micheal Myers for a Silver Shamrock franchise and were also the cowards to not turn Jamie into the killer in Part 5. so who knows that we are going to get. Can’t be any worse than Jason jumping bodies though, right?
OK, so to recap, since this is pre-Internet and its been 6 years. Micheal Myers and Jamie have been kidnapped by the Man in Black from the police station, and now the THIRTEEN YEAR OLD JAMIE (she’s 7 in part 5, and its been 6 years) is now looking like monster jail bait cause I wouldn’t card her for cigarettes – but she has had a baby on Oct 30th, in some basement. A friendly woman helps her escape and gets killed for it, and somehow Jamie has learned to drive in captivity- must be a Myers family trait, instinctively knowing how to drive, so she takes off. Jamie stops at a bus station and calls the Haddonfeild version of Howard Stern, and warns them that Michael is coming. She gets caught by Myers and killed anyway. So Michael has killed all his family and lives happily ever after.
Anyway, The Haddonfeild version of Howard Stern thinks going to the Myers home would be a great place to do a live remote on Halloween.
This isn’t going to end well.
So how is this one?
Oh Holy Hell I hate this movie. We had a good setup, Micheal kidnapped by a scary dude. We could learn who gave him his powers (gotta be better than that the shitty Tri-Caspers that helped at Freddy Kruger, ) or at least he could have been Michaels long-lost brother who is going to preform an exorcism on him and get rid of him for good.
But thats a what-they-should-have-done, how about what they did? I don’t want to give too much of the spoilers, but OH MY LAWD, lets just say that you can’t come up with a dumber piece of shit than this. I do like the Paul Rudd callback to the original movie, but bottom line, they are out of ideas, and wanted to go in a different direction. I’d rather watch a One Direction concert. So I’m going to slap a big fat 0 on this one, and I won’t see this one unless I get the Bootleg Stupid director edition. I wanna take off more points for making me watch the other two.
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