Movie Review: Frankenstein’s Army

Frankensteins Army Sq
Frankenstein’s Army

One thing about the movie is I got a major Thirteen Ghosts vibe from it. If you never saw it, it’s a solid movie with Tony Shalhoub. I hate found footage films, I actually hate them! I think they’re lazy filmmaking I think this movie tries too hard to be found footage if you’ve ever held a camera it doesn’t make any sense. This one isn’t as annoying as say, Cloverfeild or Diary of the Dead, but its awful.

Frankensteins Army creature 1We start off in WWII with a squad of Russians with an attached cameraman who is filming the mission. They trying to join up with another Soviet unit, and start coming across really odd stuff, with burned out churches and bodies with metal implants. Hey look! A Zombie!

We meet up with a civilian, and the Russians torture him to know where the other Russians are, he leads them into a trap with more cyborg dead people, and we lose a few more people. We do find a laboratory, and we find out what we are all here for. Dmitri is KGB and takes command, their new orders are to find the lab where all these undead cyborgs are coming from and take him back to Moscow so they can be used by the KGB to make super-soldiers. We go into the main Laboratory, where we fight more cyborgs, and find a Nazi officer! They men are more and more ticked off at Dmitri and they leave him behind in the tunnels, but soon all are captured by the main man himself Victor Frankenstein!

Frankensteins Army Creature 2So how is this one?

Well, I wish this one wasn’t shaky-cam so much, its annoying as hell.  It does distract from the movie. This movie is HORRID on a first watch, but on the second, and for me, the third viewing, this just gets better, and you can excuse a lot of the mess of this film. Its not a bad movie to just throw on at 2am.

I can see the appeal of making  a cyborg. Especially in times of war- what I really don’t understand some of these “monsters” In an era where you have sharpshooting riflemen, the idea of having someone with blades on their arms just doesn’t make any tactical sense, unless there is a chance of putting them in the chunnel or air-dropping them into a population center. Again the issue is why. Having a Cyborg that’s covered in metal with Gatling guns for arms is a wonderful thing, having a blind idiot banging into walls with a propeller for a head is not.

I’m going to split the difference here, and go with a 3. I can see me throwing this one on the DVR one day, or picking it up when its part of a multi-pack if there is a commentary track or good making of video. It just swings from crap to a badly done great idea. I really wish we had gotten another rewrite or two. So much potential.


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