Welcome to another edition of The Blog About Nothing. My apologies for not posting the last two weeks but I was dealing with something that I’ll explain in this blog. 2015 has not been the kindest year for me. Frankly it has been an emotional roller coaster but I’ve always been honest and I think the best thing I can do for myself, and the handful of you who actually read this blog, is to be honest and get this off of my chest.
In the April 17th edition of the blog, I alluded to a health scare my mother had. While I wasn’t forthcoming at the time, I will now admit that the reason I was away from the blog then and was a bit broken up when I did return was because she had a heart attack. Thankfully there were no blockages found or damaged arteries and after a few days in the hospital she was allowed to return home. Through the grace of God she made a strong recovery and at that time I thought the worst was behind me.
Until I received a phone call a few Mondays ago. As I’ve explained in this blog space before, I spend time in Florida because my parents have a home out there. Well, while in Florida my mother was hospitalized for the second time this year. This time it was a stroke. A stroke severe enough that it lead to an eight day hospital stay and now she is in a rehab center. Once again thanks to the grace of God she will make a recovery from this as well. She isn’t completely out of the woods but the doctors and nurses that have examined her are pleased with the progress she has made in the past two weeks.
You see, I was born to a strong little woman. Strongest person I know to be honest. She isn’t the bravest person I know, or the boldest person I know but she was blessed with a unique and quiet strength that suits her personality to a tee. That quiet strength makes her a mother to many, but she only bore two. She bore them later in life than she would have liked, but my sister and I are completely devoted to that little woman. No disrespect to my father but she made us the people that we are, and we will always be in her debt. So to see her in a hospital bed for the second time this year is having a rough impact on us.
Not ashamed to say that I’m in tears typing this. I’m pretty emotional anyway, so if my friends and family are reading this they shouldn’t be surprised. However, the craziest thing is I didn’t allow myself to cry at the time. Why? I think I tapped into that same vein of quiet strength. I always used to say that I would lose my head if anything were to befall my mother. Maybe I will lose my head when that day comes, and I know that it will for it is due for us all, for there will be a day when she will no longer be here. Maybe I will, but as emotionally drained as I have been the past three months I’m starting to think that I’ll be fine.
Why? That’s what she would want. She knows her son will cry, granted, but those tears will come later because in the moment I’m going to do what needs to be done. That’s why I hopped on a plane, shut off the outside world and just concentrated on being there for her, my sister, my father, and my family. It was all that mattered in that moment. The only thing I could do. That’s what that strong little woman would have wanted me to do.
I’m back in New York now and struggling to get back in to a routine, and I’m scared because I’m not there but she is going to be fine. I know that. However, the child mind in me wants his Mommy. Nothing wrong with that but I’m coming to grips with the fact that every day I have with her is a blessing. Whether she is blessed to see another day or another three decades. That’s why I’ll always say: love your mother. Whether she is with you or has passed on, love her.
Embrace her, and if she is passed on then embrace her memory. She brought you into this world. She made your pain, her pain, and if anything she was your first teacher, your first role model, and ultimately responsible for who you are.
I’m done but I want to thank every last person who reads The Blog About Nothing. Thank you for allowing me to get this off of my chest. As I said earlier, I’ve always been honest, but I’m also very guarded and protective of certain things I have and will go through. So to type these words and actually post them is a leap of faith for me but I can’t help but feel like these words needed to be said.
So thank you. Until next week . . . Peace.
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