James Bond Movie Review: Goldeneye

 GoldeneyeJames Bond Movie Review:


Back in the 80s, James Bond drops off the top of a dam in a bungee outfit. When he reaches the bottom, he shoots a hook into the roof of the building at the bottom of the dam, and punches a hole into the roof, right above the bathroom. Bond meets up with 006 played by Ned Stark, the first time I’ve seen another 00 in the series (of the movies I’ve watched) they are attacking a Soviet chemical weapons facility and blow it up, Boromir is shot by the leader of the facility, but Bond is able to steal a motorcycle, used to steal a plane then used to fly away.

Roll Credits.

Holy Shit is that an awesome opening. Its Sean Bean, so you know something is up, but he dies quickly, because he’s Sean Bean.

So now we get a car chase, well, since this is Bond,  Its a chase were Bond is banging the shrink and teasing with another Hot Chick who is racing around the same mountains. Holy Shit! ITS FEMKE!

Its FEMKE!Femke

So Bond shows off at the Casino. Yup, seen it before. He’s better than she is, of course.

So FEMKE leaves with an Admiral, who outranks Bond. I wonder since Canada is part of the commonwealth, so how does that mean he outranks him?

Well, later on that night, FEMKE kills said Admiral.  She kills two men, and some dude comes up with her and they swipe a special helicopter.

Next up, hijinks in Russia. Holy Crap! Its Alan Cummings! I find it funny, but thats just me. He’s a male chauvinist pig harassing two female fellow computer programers, one of whom looks like the daughter in Parenthood so bad it’s scary. After some computer mumbo-jumbo that you just know will come back to haunt us, even though we don’t care right now, a Russian General shows up to order a test of Goldeneye. Then FEMKE shows up and kills everyone.

Except Alan Cummings who went outside early, and of course, the hottest woman in the building. I’m sure thats a coincidence. On the way out, FEMKE and the General destroy the base. Bond is brought in to figure out what happened to the chopper, and what the heck Goldeneye is.

So how is this one?

I’ll be honest, I’m closing in on double digits with Bond, and this might be the tightest script I have come across. The only major “are you kidding me” moment is the Tank chase. I do wish that more of the Bond movies were more like this one. We basically run in 3 sets after the opener, Russia, the Train and Cuba, and to be honest, thats all we need. So far this is a top 5 Bond for me. Solid 7.

Spoilers Shead

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