The intro tells us of the Magna Carta and how the Templar Knights and English Barons forced the King of England to sign over rights to the English people. (don’t get me started) King John hires some Danes to go after the Nobles and begins killing them off.
Paul Giamatti, er King John, plays a real asshole of a King and comes across three Knights taking shelter in a Castle. The King cuts off the tongue of the Abbott, kills two of the Knights as the leader of the Knights (who you might know from ROME, or even better, the Black Prince from A Knight’s Tale) escapes with the Abott, but he dies anyway. The Knight meets up with TYWIN F’N LANNISTER- er, The Archbishop and Baron Darnay, whom you should know from the Brad Pitt movie, Troy. The Pope has sided with King John, and excommunicated Tywin. This isn’t going to end well.
So Agamemnon, er the Baron, recruits a handful of men and decide the perfect place to stop King John is to take Rochester Castle, since that controls southern England, and wait for the French or Tywin to come rescue them before Paul Giamatti can storm the castle.
If you like Medevil stuff, as I do, and love playing the “I know that guy”, as I do, then this could be a good movie for you. They have taken a fairly thin plot, shoved in a love story that DOES NOT BELONG, and done a fine job on a little bit of siege movie. I can’t imagine this having a huge following, but Paul Giamatti does a fantastic job playing crazy King John, the last time I had this much fun with Prince John was when he was being played by a Lion. I can’t think that a lot of people are going to be overly excited about this movie, the action is a lot of fun, and well done, but that shoe-horn romance is a major blunder. I’d be much happier if this was just a bunch of guys being set-upon by a larger force. I’ll give this a 7 if you are a history geek, and a 3 if you are not. The “love story” is just too flat, and if you can’t be happy during a tre’buchet launch, then nothing here is going to make you happy.
FYI: This chick was supposed to be Megan Fox, so yeah, that’s why she’s here, why it wasn’t dropped when she was . . . I got nothing.Spoilers, NEXT
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