This is dedicated to Jane Gray who I hope will enjoy it.
The following story is fictitious. The names, times, and locations have been changed to protect the guilty.
There are those who claim that publications like this are in bad taste. The author of this piece agrees completely and cites the opinion of Philip Roth in paraphrase: any writing which satisfies the conditions of good taste is not good satire.
Roth in his introduction to the “Watergate Edition” of his book Our Gang did however offer an apology to then President Nixon. He acknowledged that before the Watergate break-in, there was no evidence for the shenanigans depicted and actions parodied in earlier editions of the book. He asked for the President’s forgiveness for being motivated by his own imagination rather than by the facts.
In the same vein, the author asks for forgiveness from anyone who feels adversely affected by this post. Those who might feel abased or slurred by anything printed here should rest assured that it was not the intention of the author to make anyone look silly (except, of course, those who deserved it).
Cop Shoots Unarmed Mannequin
Monarch, Winnemac (via Satellite Information Service) Sgt. William Masters of the Monarch Mall Security Department reportedly fired shots at a department store dummy model in the window of Winterspring’s Emporium, causing damage to the mannequin’s upper torso. The display window was also damaged. The name of the entity who was shot is being withheld.
According to Sgt. Masters attorney, Piedmont Smythe, it was about 11:30 pm on April 20 as he was patrolling the parking lot when Masters became aware of a possible security threat. The mall was closed and the parking lot almost deserted at the time. Masters reported seeing movement inside the Winterspring store. When he moved closer to investigate, he saw the silhouette of a figure outlined against the nightlight from inside the store.
According to Smythe, Masters rapped on the display window and yelled for the suspect to raise his or her hands. The suspect did not comply even after Masters repeated his order several times. Then Masters tried to arrest the suspect, but could not get through the special glass used for the display window.
At that point, according to Smythe, Masters felt like he was being approached in a threatening manner and consequently drew is gun and fired at the suspect several times. The bullets penetrated the window and some hit the dummy in the shoulder. The mannequin fell to the floor and remained still. It was then that Masters called 911 and obtained police back-up and emergency medical assistance. The mannequin is currently at the hospital under care and police guard. It is expected to survive.
This incident comes at a difficult time for the Monarch Mall Security Department, particularly in view of a number of cases of public safety officers across the country being accused of using excessive force in dealing with citizens who have scared them. Many of these cases involve white officers and African-American or other minority suspects.
In this case, Masters is white and the mannequin has a reddish-brown skin color. To further complicate matters, the mannequin was apparently in the form of a female. This has led to questions being raised regarding whether Sgt. Masters might have done something improper. The Monarch County Prosecutor said that if the review of the incident showed there was evidence of sexual assault of any kind, appropriate charges would be lodged against Sgt. Masters.
Rev. Barry Jackson of the Monarch Chapter of the Rights of Citizens Committee (ROCC) made a statement to the effect that this is just one more incident in an ongoing campaign to intimidate minority people. He called for a peaceful demonstration at noon on April 21 in front of the Monarch City-County Building to protest excessive police action directed against minorities.
The US Attorney General held a brief news conference in which she stated that the facts that they had at this time were sketchy, but that a full and fair investigation of the situation will be made. If it is determined to be appropriate, formal charges of violating the civil rights of the mannequin will be made by the US Department of Justice.
The prosecutor for the County of Monarch replied to our queries with the statement that the prosecutor’s office could not make any comment at this time since the matter was currently under investigation. The Department of Winnemac State Troopers announced that they will make a full and complete investigation of the incident. Messages requesting a statement from the mannequin were not immediately returned.
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