Movie Review: Draft Day

Draft Day Banner

Ok, I’m just going to jump into this movie. We got ONE WEEK before the draft, so lets see how the movie “Draft Day” is?

Warning, full breakdown ahead.

22 hours before the draft, the Seahawks wake up at 4 am and think-hey? Maybe we could look at a trade? That’s how you end up drafting number 1 overall.

Jennifer Gardner picks today to be wet blanket – she’s dating an NFL GM! He has ONE JOB. This is the biggest day of the year for them. If I’m an NFL GM, don’t call me if my frikken HOUSE is on fire until after round 4- and it better be out by the time the free agent frenzy starts in round 7.

1 this year, 1 next year and a 3 the year after that to move from 7 to 1.Browns

Hangon, if there is 22 hours to go, and the team with the number 1 pick with the “next Andrew Luck ” out there is calling me trying to talk me into a trade to “Save Football in Cleveland” I’m immediately thinking “They got tapes of him either sawing off his thumbs or in bed with a 10 year old boy”

En route to the draft- Costner gets a call from a LB who needs Cleveland to pick him at 7 “or he slips to the late teens” In what world are no LBs picked from 7 to 16? Are there a ton of Guards we don’t know about?

Next up, Terry Crews is calling to preach about how good his boy is. Crews is a legacy Brown with a boy that punched some dude out in a fight.

Why is a NFL GM listing to local talk radio? ON THE DAY OF THE DRAFT?

So Coster, after getting threatened by his boss, and apparently finding out that their new coach is Barry Switzer, calls back to trade, but the cost has risen, 3 number 1s.

Q: Why don’t NFL teams protect the slot like NBA Teams do? “Ok, you get our 3 number 1s as long as they are in the outside the top 15, then you get a 2 and the 4 in that draft”

Barry Switzer is being played by Dennis Leary

Kinda funny when Kevin Costner reveals the trade everyone is thrilled, but when the cost is put out, then everyone is hating on the deal.

So . .. . 9 hours before the draft, the Cleveland brain trust is STILL IN CLEVELAND?

Even Jennifer Gardner thinks its a high price for the trade.

EVEN COSTNER’S MOM IS CALLING HIM OUT ON IT!!!

Leary walks in to Costner’s office and sets the Draft Report on fire. He fusses at Costner for not keeping him in the loop.

Draft Day LearyCostner: There’s me doing my job, you doing yours. Your job is to coach the team I give you. They do it different in Dallas?
Leary: Yeah, they do. They win.
[holds up his Super Bowl ring]
Coach Penn: A lot!

Got me laughing out loud.

 

Leary also pops out about Costner’s dad dying, and him porking his Capologist.

Costner calls the LB for bitching about the trade on twitter and saying he made a mistake, Costner chews him out for going on twitter, the LB tells him to go watch the tape of him sacking the QB 4 times in the game, Costner replies back that the QB still won the game.

Did the QB go to

A) FloridaFlorida
B) Georgia or
C) Notre Dame

I don’t care what they said in the movie, I have to think in real life the QB went to Florida and the LB went to Georgia. If one LB got 4 sacks, then that line had to give up a half-dozen sacks that game, minimum.

Costner gets to the draft room, and his 3 assistant GMs are talking about how many hot women the QB banged. This is how you get high draft picks people. Costner is upset they haven’t found holes in the QB.

Costner then talks about how every QB has holes- talking about Montana, Elway and Manning. Really? From a DRAFT persepctive, Montana was a THIRD ROUNDER.

Costner calls the Seahawks GM to try and find out what they found. The Seahawks GM gets rattled by seeing a dozen fans hating the trade outside Seattle HQ- Its NINE HOURS BEFORE THE DRAFT- you could drive to NY that day from Cleveland- but SEATTLE TO NEW YORK???

We are 5 hours before the draft- and the CHIEFS are not only STILL in Kansas City, but calling for the Browns starter from last year. Here is what we know about the Cleveland QB.
Went 5-1 last season before hurting his knee
8 year vet.

Yup, forget the next Andrew Luck, lets get the 8 year vet on rebuilt knee.

So now the other shoe drops. No one went to the QBs birthday party. Seriously.
Hold up. How does no one show up at a restaurant thrown by the QB- if nothing else, for the free food. QB’s dad was a LAWYER- he’s got money, plus its (in the movie) WISCONSIN, you know the O-Line is showing up with aprons on for bibs.

Now its 4 hours, and the Bills are still at home.
They offer 2 players, and their next two number ones (since the one this year is gone for Sammy Watkins)

How does any team drop out of the first round entirely when they were so bad to get the number 7 pick? Apparently Leary put this together.

The War Room is split. After talking about the Niners/Bengals super drive- yes the John Candy story is dragged out to show that Jennifer Gardner knows football. Costner FINALLY goes to see what the hell the LB was talking about.

Ohhh, now we see the big deal- that NO ONE at ESPN, SI, Fox, 7poundbag, Bleacher Report, no one saw- the play after getting sacked, rushes the pass. And? What about just getting knocked down? what about getting bumped? No one else saw this?

Oh, now we have another shoe to drop to show that the QB is an ass, and the LB should be Pope by halftime of the season opener.

Draft Day Brain TrustNow its 2 hours, and the Texans and Browns are still at home. Costner stones his buddy.

SO ON THE DAY OF THE DRAFT, Costner’s fathers will is read so again, on DRAFT DAY his ex-wife and mom shows up to scatter his ashes on the 50. REALLY?? ITS TWO FRIKKEN HOURS UNTIL THE DRAFT???

Holy shit. How does this franchise win a game?

More Costner and Garner stuff- Costner has Daddy issues. Again, Costner, after his first year as GM, fired his dad, the “Legendary” coach of Cleveland. His mom talked him into it, since his health was fading- well, that worked out well, since he died anyway.

Now its the draft!

Browns take . . . the LB!

EVERYONE IS PISSED

Yup, the Browns just traded 3 number 1s for a guy that would have been there at 7, and maybe even at 20.

The QB has a meltdown that makes Geno Smith look like Aaron Rodgers in the green room.

Oh, we just got something odd- Shoe #2 is what Washington did at #5. Now Denver has the number 5 pick? No one mentions why, and they don’t need a QB.

Costner offers a two this year, and a two next year for the 6th overall pick. Who are you kidding? The Jags GM comes off like, well, like the Jags GM. Costner counters with 3 number 2 picks. Really? Jags counter with wanting the next 4 years (uh, the number 1 is there in year 4) Name me the GM that does this. Other than Jacksonville.

Holy Shit. The Browns have no 1s or 2s for the next 3 years. Geez.

Costner calls back the Seahawks GM and says he wants his picks back. This also saves Seattle 7M on the cap for the Draft picks. Costner does the same thing to Seattle that Seattle did that morning, same verbage- now Costner also wants (with Garner’s help) a kick returner.

Now Seattle takes the QB, and the Browns takes Terry Crews Jr.

Everyone is happy, Costner and Garner tell Momma she is gonna be a grandma, so much like in real life she insta-warms to the girlfriend, that is the most believable part of the film.

So lets see.sea-seahawks-helmet

Cleveland
+ #1, #7 and a Kick Returner
– 3 number 2s

Seattle gave up a kick returner to move up one pick to #6 overall. I’d be more pissed about giving up the number ones than missing the QB.

Jacksonville #6 for 3 number 2s.

Yeah, I’d say none of the trades are realistic.

Lets also keep in mind that adding a top kick returner, the number 1 and 7 overall picks is going make sure the Capologist is not going home early tonight.

Yup, the Jags don’t need any help until pick 38.

So lets go down the list.

Costner does his damnest, and shows up in this movie just punches it in the throat each and every time.

Garner is here. She does get three scenes to show that she knows football as well as any man, Dammit!

Draft Day sqHere is the question.

Who is this movie made for?

Guys that love football, will just get irritated by the utter and complete impossibility of the plot. I can’t see the romance people looking for this movie, and its not really a date night movie.
I mean my wife is INTO football, and after watching this movie, there is no way I’d want to watch it with her, the Garner subplot isn’t exactly worth the trip, and she’s gonna get just as irritated as I did with the football stuff.
I almost wonder if there is a longer or directors cut that is out there. one that fills in all the gaps.

Draft Day gmQ: Costner figured out what was going on, then apparently so did teams 2-5, but Seattle is the one team looking at the QB as the answer to everything, true no one at any of the media sites saw it- but lets be honest, no one called Ryan Leaf a bust in the making either, and JaMarcus Russell was thought to be a solid upside pick. I’d have to think that Costner could move down a slot of two and get the guy that was going to slip to 20th? Not like anyone was traind g up to get him.

I want to meet the GM that trades 3 number 1 picks WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. I also want to meet the GM that blows off his owner off offhandedly, who is going to the draft!

Finally, how many 8 year vets are there that are still a question mark? Is he supposed to be Tony Romo?
I want you to really think on this.

Option A.

Tony Romo (Sat on the bench for years) , Greg Hardy (Pass Rusher with a quick first step) and Ron Dayne (Big Ten RB with hand issues)

B

Andrew Luck and 3 first round picks.Andrew Luck

Hands up, who’s taking option A? Plus keep in mind- QB is BETTER than Luck, per ESPN, who know everything.

So Bottom line?

Football fans are gonna hate the stupidity of everyone- except Kevin Costner in the last 15 minutes.
Chicks are gonna hate the lack of any romance development.

I don’t see the audience, and I don;t see any reason to see the movie again, other than to catch more stupidity happening.
Its not a horrible movie, just had an issue deciding what it wanted to be, and suffers badly for it. 3

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