The Blog About Nothing 3/27 Edition

Logo-EarlWhat up world. Welcome to the Blog About Nothing. I got an exciting announcement to make this week. It’s mind blowing. It’s something that is going to break the internet. It’s going to be the trending topic on Twitter. It’s something so big that the President is going to invite me to the White House. It’s freaking phenomenal what my announcement is.

What is it Earl? What do you have to announce!? We can’t wait!! OK. Here it is: I’m retiring from blogging to join One Direction! That Zayn fool bounced, and they need a minority to fill their quota so they reached out to me to join up. I’m black, I can sing some, and I’m fat. They practically begged me to sign up. Yeah the management hit me up and was all like “we keep seeing you on Twitter, and we were like, we need this fat black dude from Brooklyn to join One Direction.” I was all like “Word? Why not? I ain’t got shit better to do anyway.”

So yeah, goodbye to 7Poundbag and all that other shit. I’m gone. I’m about to join One Direction drop the illest album ever and destroy the whole fucking world. Then I’m going to go solo, marry Khloe Kardashian and Kylie Jenner (because my swag is too big for only one Kardashian/Jenner) and I’ll make the whole world forget about Harry, Liam, and all them other bitches. I’m the man. Bye y’all.

 Seriously? I ain’t going anywhere. I’ll still be at my dead end job, and still blogging on this website. A man can dream, while he’s stuck in purgatory, can he? Yeah, dreams are fun.


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About Earl (EJ) Brewster 284 Articles
Born, raised, and still reside in Brooklyn, New York. I'm in my mid 30's, and I love sports, music, politics, and blogging about real life. You can find me on Twitter at @EJ_Brooklyn_Own


  1. EJ,

    Sorry to hear you’re leaving, . . . er . . . staying . . . er . . . whatever.

    But passing up the opportunity of joining One Direction in your fantasy world may have been the most courageous decision you ever made for the rest of us in our world.

    Welcome back to the one who never left!

  2. While I’ll miss out on traveling the world, and the orgies at Casa Kardashian, I just decided that this real world I live in needs me too damn much.

  3. You can’t plant me in the penthouse. One of my favorite songs from the man by the way. Yeah, I listen to Elton John.

  4. Well, EJ, you certainly got a discussion going.

    I had a composition teacher who said there were two things a blog was supposed to do: (1) help the writer’s thinking and (2) stimulate the thinking of others.

    You have accomplished the second. I hope you feel that the first is also accomplished.

  5. I know, David. It does sort of stick in ones craw, doesn’t it. But if I had to make a choice, I would rather be unAmerican than unpatriotic.

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