What up world. Welcome to the Blog About Nothing. I got an exciting announcement to make this week. It’s mind blowing. It’s something that is going to break the internet. It’s going to be the trending topic on Twitter. It’s something so big that the President is going to invite me to the White House. It’s freaking phenomenal what my announcement is.
What is it Earl? What do you have to announce!? We can’t wait!! OK. Here it is: I’m retiring from blogging to join One Direction! That Zayn fool bounced, and they need a minority to fill their quota so they reached out to me to join up. I’m black, I can sing some, and I’m fat. They practically begged me to sign up. Yeah the management hit me up and was all like “we keep seeing you on Twitter, and we were like, we need this fat black dude from Brooklyn to join One Direction.” I was all like “Word? Why not? I ain’t got shit better to do anyway.”
So yeah, goodbye to 7Poundbag and all that other shit. I’m gone. I’m about to join One Direction drop the illest album ever and destroy the whole fucking world. Then I’m going to go solo, marry Khloe Kardashian and Kylie Jenner (because my swag is too big for only one Kardashian/Jenner) and I’ll make the whole world forget about Harry, Liam, and all them other bitches. I’m the man. Bye y’all.
Seriously? I ain’t going anywhere. I’ll still be at my dead end job, and still blogging on this website. A man can dream, while he’s stuck in purgatory, can he? Yeah, dreams are fun.
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