Movie Review: Silent Night, Deadly Night

Silent Night PosterMovie Review: Silent Night, Deadly Night

I’d heard of this movie; I remember that it actually did better than Nightmare on Elm Street when it came out, but it was one of those movies that got pulled from the theaters. I do know that there are a ton of sequels, and I’ve done the remake/offshoot already. So lets break this bad boy and see why this didn’t becomes a yearly thing, or at least a SAW-type series.

Silent Night 8 year oldBilly Chapman hates Santa Claus. He’s scared of him, gets forced to sit on his lap, and on the way home, they stop to help a guy in the Santa suit- who shoots the Dad, and tries to rape the Mom (Boob Shot) but she fights back, and he ends up cutting her throat. Santa goes after Billy, but nogo. Billy and his brother get sent to an orphanage, where the always-evil Mother Superior just abuses him every chance she gets. Billy also gets to walk in on a couple having sex, and somehow gets in trouble when Mother Superior catches him.  When Santa rolls around, Billy is forced to sit on his lap, panics, and when Santa tries to grab him, Billy knocks him out. Too funny.

Silent Night BillyFast Forward 10 years, and one of the other nuns gets him a job in a toy store. Hey! The Owner is the dude that played Anthony Michael Hall’s dad in Weird Science!  His co-worker is an ass, but there is a girl that he kinda likes, and we get a dream sequence of the two making out. During the Christmas Party, The Co-Worker tries to get the cute co-worker drunk then tries to get lucky with her in the stockroom, she refuses, and he tries to rape her, Billy comes in, and we get a  . . .really annoying sequence of all the trauma Billy has been put through, and he goes buckwild, hanging the rapist, for some reason the cute chick attacks him, and he stabs her. Then go kills Ira and the other older lady. Then Billy walks out and goes on a rampage, first going after a couple that is about to have sex on a pool table and HOLY SHIT that’s Trash from Return of the Living Dead! Linnea Quigley is in the house! She gets the iconic kill- if you saw Silent Night, you know the one, and its pretty awesome, the boyfriend actually could have stopped Billy, but for some reason turns his back to get on the phone, and he goes out the window, and Billy continues his rampage.

Silent Night LeonaThis feels like a 70s horror movie, and to be honest gives a lot of the Halloween vibe. Lots of build and lots of angst. Outside of the first kills of Billy’s parents, you have almost nothing for almost the first hour it feels, and it FEELS like an hour. This is a LONG movie, and it feels like the first hour is stretched to the breaking point. The kills are pretty inventive at times, but they all come in a pile at the end. We spend so much time in the build stage, and the enjoyment comes down to how much you enjoy the ending.

The acting is just terrible. Billy isn’t scary, and doesn’t pull off scary very well. The only one that looks a bit scary, is Mother Superior. Ira is fun, but the rest of the cast is just there. Linnea Quigley is worth the price of admission, simply to see her and Billy fight, and yes, she’s topless the whole time. The opening song/jingle is kind of fun, so they have that going for them.  I’m going to give this movie a 2. I’ll let you guess why its getting a 2, and yes Linnea Quigley is involved.

I don’t think I’m going to care about the rest of the series. To be honest, the remake is better, this movie is just too slow, too much build and just to much crap to get through to get to the good stuff, much like Carrie, the juice has to be worth the squeeze, and in this case, its just not.

It does, however, have some awesome posters.

To be honest, with a better actor, I like the 3rd one better.

 

Silent Night Poster Silent Night Poster 3 Silent Night Poster 2

 

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