Movie Review: Blade

 

blade

Movie Review: Blade

We start off with a woman in labor, she’s bleeding all over the place, and the doctors have to preform a C-Section, but she dies anyway.

OK, that was a fun opening. Nothing like that positive first step.

Next up, we get TRACI LORDS- In one of the two movies I have ever seen she’s in, seriously, but she is bringing some guy into a club, he’s having a good time, but for some reason people in the club keep staring at him (insert Traci Lords joke here) and all of a sudden the sprinkler system starts spraying blood! The Vampires start attacking the humans.

Hold up. Its an awesome visual, but am I the only one who is thinking this is VERY wasteful?

Anyway, Blade shows up and much ass is kicked.Blade Club

One of the people from the club is taken to the hospital, where he bites one doctor, and attacks another- and as luck would happen she is not only HOT, but also a hematologist, so Blade brings her back to Kris Kristofferson, who is working on a cure for Vampirism. Karen wants to help as well, to save herself as well as . . .Blade? Why does he need help? He’s got all of the good and none of the bad of the Vampire Curse-outside of the thirst, and it almost seems like he can be ok with just eating rare meat.

So now we get a fun argument between the new school and old school vampires. The New School wants to come out and rule the world, while the old school just want to stay hidden and rule the world through being the Illuminati.
Oh and Frost, the leader of the new school is a turd anyway, since he wasn’t born a vampire. Racism among vampires? I’m getting a pretty big Underworld vibe here.

So Frost wants to awaken La Magra, the BloodGod who can grant him absolute power- or in other words, make him Blade. Frost gets tired of being oppressed, and kills the elder Vampire, and puts the rest of them in Vampire Jail. Why you want to imprison the undead, makes no sense to me.

Blade is running around town, trying to find Frost, but back in the lair, Karen has found the antidote to being bitten by a Vampire, and starts work on fixing Blade, for some reason, but Frost attack, take Karen off, and bite Whistler. When Blade comes home, he finds the dying (undying?) Whistler- and gives him a gun to kill himself, and Whister does so.

Blade attacks Frost’s home, and finds his mom, who is sleeping with Frost. Whaaaa? So is Frost Blade’s Vampire Daddy?

Maury

Blade is beaten, and taken off to be a blood sacrifice to the BloodGod. During the whole deal with the sacrifice, Karen sacrifices her blood to Blade, to give him power, and he escapes, and Frost has summoned La Magra by sacrificing the Elder Vampires. But, then again, no. Frost has power, but not ultimate power, and he is being torn apart by the spirits of the Elder Vampires.

Blade’s Mommy attacks him, and he has to kill her. Karen gets some look-at-me ass-kicking parts, and we finally get Blade vs SuperFrost. Since Frost cannot be killed by weapons, Blade uses the anticoagulant, since that makes minor vampires explode. The works, and Blade and Karen leave. Karen says she can cure Blade, and he says no, he needs his “powers” to go after the Vampires.

Final Scene has Blade in Russia- going after the Commies! No wait, just the Vampire Commies.

Blade isn’t bad, per se, but its not overly good.Blade Frost
Blade
Part of my problem here is I have seen 2&3& the TV pilot, and to be honest, I thought I had done this one already, so I have a little bit of a bias going into the first movie, and to be honest, a bit of a bad taste in my mouth for Wesley Snipes at this point. The stuff that was interesting is no longer so, and his mannerisms just are not that good with a binge watch, its kinda
Its kinda like watching all the Rocky Movies and then looking at the first one, and being stunned when Rocky doesn’t win- and you get annoyed you watched a loser.
Blade is annoying on his own, and to be honest, so is Karen and Kris. Who isn’t? Frost. Frost makes this movie in my eyes. I Love his attitude, and his ideas. Lord knows if I was a Vampire- there ain’t no way I’d be hiding the whole time. I’d be out in the open, and getting people that skated out of the judicial system. I do think the bloodbag scene in Part  would have been a bigger impact here, but again, that’s hindsight.
I”ll give this one a 7. If does get hurt if you watch the others, but the movie by itself is a solid time-waster.

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About David Snipes 1376 Articles
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