Movie Review: Halloween 4

Halloween 4Movie Review:

Halloween 4
The Return of Michael Myers

Ok, for some odd reason, Micheal is being moved to a new facility, and Dr Loomis is not there. the current suit is hoping with Micheal gone, Loomis can either retire or die. That’s just awesome.
So they load a comatose Micheal, who hasn’t moved in 10 years, since Halloween 3 doesn’t count and we just want to forget that crapfest anyway.
For some stupid reason the rent-a-cop knows way too much about Micheal, but he is useful since his blathering gives people who haven’t seen the first two, or have wiped their minds after seeing part 3.
For some odd reason, the staff mention that Michael has a niece as his only living relative, and that wakes up Micheal! He goes buckwild with the joyous news, and wrecks the van. Fun kill here where Micheal sticks his thumb in the Doctors forehead. Halloween 4 Thumb
Dr. Samuel Loomis shows up at the crash site, and wants the cops to count the bodies. Since this is a decade before CSI, they have no clue how to count. Loomis knows that Micheal survived, since both of them are fireproof, and heads off to Haddonfield, telling the cops to call ahead and warn the town.
Loomis stops for gas, and just happens to be the same station Michael has stopped at for new clothes and a couple of kills. Loomis empties a clip at Michael, who escapes in a tow truck, showing some serious skill in not only barely missing Loomis, but hitting the gas pumps in such a way they explode, taking out Loomis’ car, and pulling down the phone lines. Just an amazing trick for a mindless killer.
Michael’s niece, Jamie, is being picked on at school for having a killer as an uncle, not celebrating Halloween, and for the system being stupid enough to not change her name and ship her across the country. Really? The Foster system puts her in the SAME TOWN where everyone knows her family history? Sounds like someone is going to have a Jeremy moment from the Pearl Jam song. Arriving home, her foster parents have to go to a work thing- hope there is an open bar- and Rachel is stuck baby-sitting and is gonna miss losing her virginity to her boyfriend. Oh sorry, did I spoil that? Rachel is having nightmares, and being the 80s, Rachel wants to solve that problem with food, specifically Ice Cream, Two Scoops for Extra Nightmare Protection! Jamie decides she wants to go trick or treating after all, and after Rachel gives the bad news to her boyfriend, Jamie picks out a clown costume. Michael picks up a mask. Shatner lives!
Michael Arrives and goes to the power substation, and meets someone who apparently got his job by his sister screwing the mayor, as he’s an idiot. Micheal helps the local unemployment numbers by tossing the idiot in the perfect position to short out the entire town. I hope they are not in an area where a deer or anything can get in there.Halloween 4  Jamie
Loomis hitches a ride to the town, and goes to the Police station, who blow him off, and Loomis name drops the old Sheriff, and the new one takes him seriously. The Sheriff calls the local bar and closes it down, making the townsfolk so mad, they form a lynch mob. Don’t touch my bar, Asshole!
We follow along with the Trick or Treating, and Rachel finds out that her boyfriend has traded up to a new level of Hotness, and is so filled with angst that she loses track of Jamie, who is going along with another group of kids. They are set upon by a group of parents who have been kicked out of the bar, and this town is so shitty, they LEAVE THE LITTLE GIRL ALONE as they carry off the kids. Leave a 4/5th grader alone on a dark street. John Walsh would pimpslap this entire town.
Michael shows up, and we all meet up and the Sheriff takes everyone to his house, instead of anyplace secure, or uh, OUT OF TOWN. There is no chance in hell I’m luring a cold-blooded killer TO MY HOUSE with MY KID there. This Sheriff sucks. Oh, and the HOT CHICK that Rachels ex-boyfriend is cheating on her with? Just the Sheriff daughter.
We do get a bra-shot of his daughter before the Sheriff Scooby and the gang show up, and they barricade the house- and of course, the ex gets a gun after the Sheriff says he will use the gun on the boy if he catches him with his daughter- you know like they were 2 minutes before he pulled up.
Michael gets in the protected house in less time it takes the HOT CHICK to put her shirt back on, Halloween 4 Hotchickand he kills the deputy (but we do not see him shoot the Sheriff.) He does impale the HOT CHICK on a shotgun, in a fun kill, and then kills the ex-boyfriend to balance it out, crushing his skull in a boring way- RIGHT NEXT TO A GIANT WINDOW. Apparently glass was not in the budget. The Boyfriend keeps yelling for them to run, Rachel keeps yelling for him to come along. So Michael gets his kill, and is still seconds behind Rachel and Jamie.  Then we get the big chase, as Michael chases the girls on the roof. Rachel falls off, and Jamie thinks she’s dead, and takes off.
Dr Loomis shows up, and they go to . . .a school?
Michael shows up and throws Loomis through a door, and finally catches Jamie, but Rachel shows up with a Fire Extinguisher and sprays him, then gives him a good whack with the canister as they run.
The Lynch Mob and the State Police we have been hearing so much about FINALLY show up, and they take the girls and Loomis away. Michael warps to the truck, and starts tossing the stuntmen off the truck, and then kills the driver, Rachel takes over driving, and throws Micheal off, then rams him with the car.
For some odd reason, Jamie goes over to him, and touches his cold dead hand in a touching moment, no wait, Micheal is up and goes to stab her, and the cops start shooting at him, and he falls down a convenient mineshaft that dot these here woods.
So the cops take the girls home, and the parents are home. The mom goes upstairs to run Jamie a bath, and we change to a POV of Jamie wearing a mask. She stabs the mom a whole bunch of times, then comes down the stars where we see a screaming Dr Loomis and Rachel – Jamie is the new Killer!

Roll Credits!
So how is the movie?
Halloween 4 EndingWell, let me be frank, the ending is great. The twist ending is how it should be done, and its not until you look back at it that you catch all the subtle clues on whats going to happen.
I do feel that the director screwed this movie.
To me, to have a good slasher movie, you need 3 things. A moving story. Boobs, and interesting kills.
The director gets one thing right, he does move. This is not the Hobbit, we don’t spend a lot of time walking and talking. We move and move and move- there is almost zero time killing. We do end up with a lot of jump scares and false turns. It gets a bit overbearing at times, but then we move on, at times a beat or two too late, and at times we leave too early.
I have a constant problem with Micheal Myers. We get way two many kills offscreen, we get these minor characters, then a few minutes later we just see the dead body. Take for example, the two cops. They are stupid, and “bad cops” admittedly, and to be honest, we want them dead. We actually spend TIME making sure we don’t like them, then the payoff? We see them laying dead in the car.
Boobs: None. Even the HOT CHICK we only get a bra- something that’s working harder than the director in some places.
Interesting Kills? The best is the thumb in the forehead. That happens early, and then we don’t get too many good ones. Even the head crushing of the ex-boyfriend is lame the second time around, there was so much that could have been done better.
The actors are a mixed bag. Jamie gets a lot of deserved love, Rachel is just there, pretty much any male not named Dr Loomis is worthless, and there isn’t much difference between any of them.
I’ll give this movie a 4. I can only give that much love to a great ending and the Pace. I think if you put the director of 30 Days of Night or My Bloody Valentine in this one- with a better Rachel- and you could easily double that number. This movie has a bit of a problem, as does the series. Michael keeps wanting to kill his family because . . .reasons. Uncle Micheal just keeps going after the kid. I do love the twist at the end, and tomorrow we will find out if the writers had the cajoles to actually make a 6 year old a mass murderer.

As for the movie itself, I simply cannot recommend it. If feels like a money grab, and from what I have read on it, it was. Michael has a legend status on the film, history, but I just get the feeling its riding on the Carpenter coattails.


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1 Comment

  1. Don’t know why but your review made me think about the latest Geico commercial where these teens are running from some unknown horropr and they are at the moment wherethey need to choose what to do next… 1st hot babe says “let’s hide in the basement”… 2nd hot babe says “why don’t we just jump in that running car?”… and one of the dumbass boyfriends says “are you crazy… why don’t we just hide behind that wall of chainsaws?”

    And, as they hide behind the chainsaws a man in a white mask appears behind them and rolls his eyes….

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