Movie Review: Children of the Corn

Children of the CornWith DJ having done a bit on his favorite King Movies, I figured I’d give a breakdown of one of King’s movies. With Halloween coming up, what better movie than the original Children of the Corn?

I’ve read the book, and I love me some Stevie, and I might do a top 5 of my own one day, but I’m going to let the book comments go. Children of the Corn Issac and Malacai

We start off in the town of Gatlin, where all the kids, for some reason, go nuts and start killing the adults its a bit of a shock, and Malachai takes the lead here in the killing. Then we meet the real leader, Issac, who is one scary dude, to say the least. I don’t know why he wasn’t a bigger star, well, to be honest, if you saw this movie in a vacuum, you would think Issac and Malachai would have ended up being stars, not Burt and Vicky. We meet them as they are driving cross country, and they hit a kid. Burt gets out of the car, and see that the kids throat is slit. Being a doctor, he quickly figures out that the car didn’t do that.  Burt opens the kids suitcase, and finds a crucifix made out of corn. Being wonderful people, they just dump the kid in the trunk. The go to a gas station, where the old man there isn’t much help, so they move on. Old guy gets killed later, just to bump up the bodycount.

So they drive to Gatlin, one of the most fun places on Earth. The town is empty, and Burt goes around looking for people. We get a WHOLE lot of hide and go seek,
We do discover a pair of kids, and the sister is some kind of oracle, so Issac lets her and her brother get away with things the rest of the kids are not allowed to. We get rid of Vicky, as Linda Hamilton just isn’t that interesting, and if you read the book, she’s unimportant, and the writer has no idea how to make her AND the kids something we care about. We also walk in on a sacrifice scene, where a guy is getting ready to die since he just turned 19.

Children of the Corn MalachaiMalachai takes this occasion to revolt against Issac, and has Issac sacrificed in Linda’s place, like the other adults. Issac curses Malachai, who doesn’t care. He drags Linda through the town, in the famous “Outlander!” scene that everyone that loves King Movies loves. Burt isn’t stupid, stunningly, and waits until nightfall. Burt jumps Malachai and they keep fighting, Burt tries to convince the kids that what they are doing is wrong, and here comes ISSAC! He kills Malachai, and starts yelling at everyone.

A storm comes over the area, and Burt, Vicky and the kids run and hide in a barn. One of the kids show a Bible verse to Burt for them to destroy the cornfield. I was unaware of Iowa being in Israel. Burt starts flooding the cornfield with gas, and now the Tremors attack! Oh, I’m sorry, but same thing, really. Pushes up a ton of dirt in the spaces between the corn, and tries to stop Burt and destroy to Barn. Burt is able to light the gas, and it burns the cornfield. That was easy.

Being the 80s, as Burt, Vicky and the Kids get ready to leave, one of the kids jumps out of the car, and Vicky pops her with a car door that is more funny than scary. They get the map out of the car, and just start walking down the road.

This is NOT a good movie.Children of the Corn Issac
Let me say this again.
This is NOT a good movie.
It is , however, a movie worth seeing. Its cheap, and a little on the cheesy side, full of plot holes and we don’t take time to care about anyone- and even the kids feel forced on us.
Why is this movie worth seeing?
Issac and Malachai. These two put on the performance of a lifetime, and are just plain awesome. Malachai is a one note wonder, and I wish the director had sen what he had, and cut out the useless kids and given us the Malachai/Issac war. Instead of a quickie crucifixion, and Issac’s return.
The effects also stink. I have no idea why the little things are burrowing under the ground, it would be one thing if Corn Stalks were popping out to block a path or tip over a tractor, but they don’t DO anything.
This is NOT the type of movie I would spend a dime on. This is not the type of movie I’m looking for DVD Extras to decide if to buy it or not.
I really can’t think of a reason to ever watch this movie again.
Until I see it on the TV guide, and I get the feeling I’ll be watching it again, for no good reason. I’ll give it a 2.
One for Issac, and One for Malachai.

But its a 2 that you will watch again.

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