This movie SUCKS. I mean Really. I know looking at Zombie Movies on a multipack is going to get me some bad movies, but HOLY SHIT this is an awful movie.
I honestly think everyone reading this should comment and share a thank you, just to spread the word that this movie just REEKS.
Oh, we need to do a plot?
Ok, These four asshole kids go water-skiing, and promise to go pickup another pair of assholes kids after the boy gets done working. The head Ass, says there is an island out on the middle of the lake, and they are going to have lunch there. Instead of eating on the beach, they go exploring, and come across a house, where a bad actress giving a Joan Crawford impression tells them there is nothing to see here, move along. They leave, and the boat is gone! WTF? They go wandering around, but Joan Crawford has a shuffling man throw them into a jail cell. Yeah. We get a whole lot of nothing. We have a TON of debating should the guys, who happen to be in the cell with A BROKEN LOCK, should bust the girls out, or go find the boat, then come back and get the girls. Seriously. We kill 5 minutes on this plot point. I means nothing, of course, but still. The Backup Pair go to the island, and get the same thing from Joan Crawford, but they have a staring contest with 2 guys on a boat- yes the third boat going to this deserted island. The backup kids finally convince the Sheriff, to go to the island and see whats going on. ITS A TWIST! The sheriff is in league with Joan Crawford. The Cop decides that this is getting too deep for him- dropping off Bums is fine, but kids with families? That’s too much. So the Bad Man shoots the Cop, so that’s part of the cast gone.
Holy Cripe we get some boring talking and fighting. In what world does 3 highschool football-men not beat two guys in their 40s when they have the element of surprise? Then we get a convoluted sequence where the girls are Zombied, then Joan Crawford is Zombied since that makes her suggestible, only it doesn’t work, then they give her a potion that reveres it, then a . . GORILLA attacks then we all jump in the boat and race off to safety.
Ok, lets go through some issues.
1. Where are the Zombies? This is a Scientist making a mind-wipe gas and/or potion to attack the US with. There is NO ZOMBIES. The girls are “Zombies” for maybe 5 minutes. The shuffling man isn’t really doing much either.
2. The Gorilla that’s on the poster, you don’t even know its a Gorilla, and its so dark, you have no idea whats going on.
3. There is WAAAY to much filler in this movie, and you can tell. Why do I have 2 minutes of people sitting in a boat looking? Why do I have closeups off all 4 character’s shoes as they walk? Etc.
4. The movies takes a shit for so long, then we get a MASSIVE Data dump at the end, and then quits.
And I’m quitting. Just take your 0 for your shitty movie and burn in hell. Avoid at all costs. There is nothing about this movie. I have no idea why this is considered a Zombie Movie, as nothing rises from the grave, and its a Nazi-ish group trying to attack the US with chemicals.
You know what I kept thinking of when watching the end?
Scooby-Doo. I almost expected to see Joan Crawford say “I would have gotten away with it if not for you meddlin kids!”
And I HATE Scooby Doo.
I Hate this movie.
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