Movie opens and we get Bond putting some explosives on a chemical factory in some latin third world nation. He uses the worlds largest toothpaste tube- and blows the place to smithereens. and joins the world in a bar, a dancer is entertaining all the men, and when they leave to see what happened, Bond takes the woman into her room and starts to make out- a killer comes up behind him, he sees her reflection and starts to punch him out- pretty entertaining fight, ending with the guys death, and Bond walks out, snappy comment in tow, he walks out and catches a plane to Miami . . .and roll credits.M wants Bond to watch an Auric Goldfinger, a known gold smuggler, but Bond finds him cheating at gin rummy, he seduces his hot blonde conspirator, Jill Masterson, and Bond blackmails Goldfinger into losing all his targets money back to him, and then another 25k.
Bond and Jill go back to Bonds hotel room, and when Bond goes to get more champagne, Oddjob knocks him out. When Bond wakes up, Jill has been covered with Gold Paint- and has died from epidermal suffocation, or the skin has suffocated, since we breathe through our skin. Seriously. No really. Bond even explains that Cabernet Dancers leave a spot clear when they do this on their lower back. No idea how he knows this but I’m sure it was thorough research.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. You can die if covered in paint.
Now we get a golf game between Goldfinger and Bond. Bond cheats to win. Yeah, seriously. He cheats. BOND CHEATS THE VILLAIN OUT OF FIVE GRAND. Or whatever the 1960 equivalent of Five-Thousand Pounds is. Odd-Job does crush the golf ball BOND USED TO CHEAT WITH. The Goldfinger says he never wants to deal with Bond again, and he has Oddjob knock the head off a marble statue.
Next we get a fun little diversion with Tilly, who pulls up behind Bond and passes him. Then takes a shot at him while he watches Goldfinger buying some fruit at a roadside stand. Bond isn’t hit, and takes off after Goldfinger- ignoring the assassination attempt. He is again pursued by Tilly, whose car Bond tears up in order to drive her to a garage and unsuccessfully hit on her.
Bond follows Goldfinger to his plant- and now we find out how Goldfinger is smuggling his gold- his “bodywork is 18K gold”. We have our next logicleap since- gold is heavy as all get out. That car must have the mileage of a Russian Tank. Bond stops Tilly from shooting Goldfinger, but she still trips an alarm. We get a car chase, ending when Bonds car . . . hits a rut? Bond tells Tilly to take off for the woods- but she catches an Oddjob hat to the head when she does. Bond is captured. No, even though the hat can slice through a statue, it only, uh, breaks her neck? There is no blood, so I just the razor tipped hat must have KO’ed her. Bond tries to escape, we get to see the red button in action, but he is captured again.
Now we get the famous scene of Bond strapped to a table. Yup. Bond is on a table of solid gold, and the classic laser is coming up between his legs, and just before he loses mini-007, he bluffs Goldfinger thinking he knows something about Operation Grand Slam, the key evil plot of the film. So Bond is taken with Goldfinger to his
horse farm in Kentucky. Bond does spend the plane trip hitting on Pussy Galore. Gotta love it, and how did they get that past the censors. Anyway. Bond gets shot down repeatedly.
Bond escapes his jail he’s put in, and hears the plot.
OK, let me make it simple. Goldfinger has gotten a small atomic bomb snuck into the country, and he is going to have Pussy Galore’s Air Force spray Delta-9 gas all over Ft Knox. Its going to put everyone asleep for 24 hours. Then he dynamites the gate, uses the Groin Lazer to cut through the doors, plant the bomb, and take off.
The Chinese get to plant a bomb and throw the US into Chaos, and Goldmember has irradiated all the Gold in the US, and should be able to multiply his wealth by 10x, at least.
Oh boy. Issues we got.
1. The Mob figure that brings in the gas- apparently has no idea that the gas is LETHAL, not just KOs someone in 24 hours.
2. I was stationed in Ft Knox. Ft Knox is HUGE. You could not fly 5 airplane around it in an hour to knock everyone out, let alone in 10 minutes. I still recognize a lot of the places shown. Ft Knox hasn’t changed much. By the way, there are places in Ft Knox that will shoot down ANYTHING flying near it, be it civilian or military.
If it goes past a certain point, its shoot to kill. Period.
3. Even if the gold is irradiated, ITS STILL THERE. The US isn’t about to go pay off someone with it. They just have the ability. Goldmember would have been better off using the bomb to destroy it. Simply irritating isn’t going to really do much. Plus they can use the showers from Dr No, and put it back to normal.
4. Where exactly is Goldmember going to go? He just Nuked KENTUCKY. There isn’t a place on earth he’s going to be able to go.
Ok, quit whining about the plot, David, Lets move on.
When one of the Mob guys decides he wants his million in gold now, and does not want to be part of the plot. Goldmember loads his car with the gold (using a forklift) and Odd-Job is supposed to drive him to the airport, and Bond slips his tracking device into the mobstars pockets, along with a note about the plan.
Oh, did I mention the CIA is here? There are two idiots who are watching for Bond, waiting to see if he needs any help, they don’t do much, if anything. They put together the worst tail in Movie History, and when Oddjob turns and shoots the Mobster. He pulls into a junkyard, where the car is crushed into a cube and put in the back of Odd Job’s truck, and the tracer stops. The CIA guys don’t even seem concerned “Maybe Bond turned it off” and joking that Bond is involved with either drinking or womanizing.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, we are in good hands.
Goldmember sees the CIA agents, and one henchmen dismisses them as guys looking for racing tips, Goldmember thinks that they are after Bond, he asks Pussy Galore to take Bond around the compound to make the Agents think that Bond is fine and just womanizing again. Bond and Pussy are paraded around, and yes, the CIA buys it. Bond and Pussy go into a barn, and play Judo until Bond overpowers he and forces himself on her.
You read that right. Bond could be charged for sexual assault.
So the plan goes off as planned. The Planes fly all over Knox and we get a bunch of all the military men falling down and passing out. The gate is blown up and the Lazer cuts through the doors. The Bomb is loaded, and Bond is handcuffed to it. Yup, no chance a highly trained agent can break into this bad boy. Once the bomb is armed, a geiger counter goes off and all the troops wake up, and start attacking the Chinese men helping Goldfinger.
Goldfinger closes the Vault door, trapping the man that has the handcuff keys, Oddjob and Bond inside. The man with the key isn’t stupid, and wants to disarm the bomb, more than willing to goto jail over glowing in the dark for 58 years. Oddjob kills him by throwing him over a railing. Bond, don’t ask why is on the ground floor already and is able to get the bomb over the man, and gets the keys. Oddjob comes down to attack, and misses Bond with his hat by about 8 feet. Bond and Oddjob get into THE FIGHT SCENE. Its kind of fun, Oddjob just smiles whenever Bond hits him, and seems to be more than willing to just play around and beat on Bond until the bomb goes off.
When Bond throws the hat at Oddjob, it wedges some bars- when Oddjob tries to pull it out, Bond is able to fry him with a cut electrical cable.
Better ending than most Bond Henchmen get. Kind of easy to see why he’s so loved. The actor playing Oddjob got pretty burned during filming the death scene, but he held on and toughed it out. He was also a pro-wrestler and Silver Medal-winning Olympic weightlifter.
Bond is able to bust into the Bomb, and for the first time we just kinda see Bond have no clue what to do. It’s interesting to see him kinda fiddle with wires and such. Time is running out, but one of the two CIA idiots kinda jobs Bond out of his way, and turns the bomb off. The timer on the Bond, for once not on 0:00:01, but on “0:07”. Gotta love it.
Goldmember has escaped with Pussy, but Bond is on his way to go meet with the President. Man, how would you like to go to a club with Bond and JFK? Goldmember, of course, is in the plane, and to be honest, this is all done to kill Goldmember (who shoots out a window and gets sucked out- Bond even calls out that he told Pussy that could happen) and yes, the plane goes down, but Pussy and Bond are able to parachute to safty. Bond stops her from signaling for help so they can have a roll in the silk.
This movie had a TON more money put into it, and it shows. Nothing is cheap and the Goldmember’s cave is really well done. Its a bit hard to tell where the sets end and the location begins. The plot holes are big enough to fix the Ft Knox depository through. My biggest issue? Pussy flips? Really? There really isn’t a reason too, and it seems like she doesn’t care about the destruction of Ft Knox, but now she just flips? Its a swerve on the end and kinds ruins the end of the movie. Duex-ex-pussy? Also why would Pussy Galore get on a plane with Goldfinger? She knows that he knows that she betrayed him. Why didn’t he get another pilot he can trust?
Goldfinger is a solid movie, and getting two iconic parts of the Bond Legacy is well worth it, so I’ll go a solid 8. Its not that good a movie, but its so rewatchable, It deserves it.
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