Movie Review: Jack the Giant Slayer

Jack and the Giant SlayerWhoa. How do you make a 90 minute film about this one? Fairly simple story to go here, and are we going to get 80 minutes of filler? Of course it’s Eleanor Tomlinson, so I’m ok with the filler, if its her.

So we get to meet Jack, who is hearing a sorry that is basically the plot.

Seriously. A King gets a magical Crown that allows him to control Giants that come out of the sky. Let me know  if this comes up again. Oh and the Princess hears the same story, to get the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT again.

Now we move on to a decade later, Jack is sent out to sell his horse to save the family farm. He goes to the big city, ends up saving the Princess with the whole Bully is really to kill him but the palace guards are standing behind him. Yeah, its done fairly well, but we all have seen this a dozen times.

There is a Monk, that has stolen something from Lord Roderick, and trades it off to Jack to try and get out of town. This doesn’t work, and the Monk is captured, but Jack gets out of town and the Beans are thrown on the floor, and Jack is an idiot.

The Princess is fussed out for leaving the castle, and is going to be forced to marry Roderick, because that is by far the worst person for her to marry. The Princess, not being stupid, takes off, and stays with Jack to hide. Jack

The Beanstalk grows and it is HUGE. I do like the way its done, more realistic that most tellings where its just a straight shot up. Jack falls to the ground before it gets too big, but the Princess is carried all the way up.

So Jack gets invited along with Obi-Wan, I mean Elmont, and a group of guards, plus Roderick and his man Friday. So we climb the beanstalk, along the way, we get a monster clue that Roderick is the No-Goodnick, when he cuts a line and wipes out half the rescue party when the rest of the men are out of sight. Not only is this a SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT device, but why would you do this when you have NO idea whats up there?

The rest of Jacks half of the party gets captured in a REALLY good sequence, getting caught like sheep, and even though Obi-Won is brave, he’s just caught like everyone else. Jack follows to the  . . fort?

The other half is wiped out fairly quickly, and Roderick is the last one left, until he breaks out . . .a crown. So we go to the fort, and there is a two-headed giant who is the defacto leader- kind of reminds me of Knoxville in MiB, but that might be just me. He is ready to kill all the humans, but Roderick walks in and declares he’s now in charge, and all the Giants KNEEL BEFORE ZOD, er Roderick.

Jack Pigs in a blanketJack is able to free the Princess and Obi-Wan, in a fun moment in the kitchen, and is even able to force the Giant guarding the Beanstalk off the edge with an ingenious use of a Beehive. Just a great way to do it and Jack is gaining more and more confidence. Jack is charged with getting the Princess home, while Obi-Wan goes after Roderick to end this once and for all.

Back on the ground, the King is worried about cutting off the stalk, and losing his daughter. Once the Giant hits the ground, its time to chop the Beanstalk down, and we get just an awesome science of the stalk coming down and the main characters should have been dead 20 times. Back upstairs, Roderick is able to hold his own with the Jedi however, but is killed as the Giants turn their back on him when he’s trapped. The Giants do recover the crown as Obi-wan also takes a ride on the collapsing beanstalk, splash landing in the castle moat.

So King and Princess are reunited, and Jack is forgotten about, as the King takes his daughter home. Back upstairs, the beans in the Dead Roderick’s pocket have started to sprout, and the Giants jump on them and take a ride down. Jack sees it coming and takes off on the horse to warn the King.

The Giants attack, but are unable to catch the trio before they reach the castle, and Obi-Wan is ready and waiting and sets the moat on fire, then we get the most awesome tug-of-war in Middle Earth History, and the two Headed Giant loses, and is cast, burning in the firey moat. The battle continues, and Jack is sent with the Princess to go do something. The two headed Giant finds the passageway from the moat to the center of the castle, and breaks through, more running, cause this castle is HUGE. Jack is finally caught, and is about to be eaten, but he throws the last Bean down the giants throat- where the stomach acid acts like water, and grows, blowing the Giant apart and saving the kingdom, when Jack finds GiantShrapnell that contains the crown (or a ring for the Giants) Jack sends the Giants home.Jack 2

Jack takes the Princess as his bride, and the crown has just a good montage morphing into . . the crown of England. Bet the Nazi’s didn’t expect that when they flew up there in the battle of Britain.


So how is the Movie?

Pretty good, I can’t complain too much about it. Its a bit cheesy, the special effects are great, and the characters are done well. I really don’t have any major flaws in the movie is of course, everyone knows that Roderick is scumbag but the King. I think this movie is well deserving of an 8 and solid enough to pick-up for a decent price. I wouldn’t have a problem with letting the whole family watch the movie, and its worth the viewing.

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