Musings From the Bench

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Hop On Pop

The Toronto Public Library received a request from one patron asking them to remove the book “Hop On Pop” by Dr. Seuss from their bookshelves because it “encourages children to use violence against their fathers.” This patron also wants the library to apologize to greater Toronto area fathers who were put at great risk of being hopped on by their offspring who had read the book or had it read to them.The complainant also requests that the library pay damages for any injuries these fathers incurred from the book.

All I can say is this complaining person spent more time smoking crack with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford than actually reading the book because if they had they would have seen the children were actually told not to hop on pop

 

hop on pop

The Toronto Public Library review committee denied the request for removal.

 

Guns and Ammo

A young man in his 20s was cleaning his .38 caliber handgun in his home in Hollywood, FL when he dropped it on the floor and the gun went off sending a bullet into his butt. The man went to a neighbor for help and he in turn alerted the police. Police and EMTs took the young man to Memorial Regional Hospital for trauma treatment.

Dropped his gun on the floor and it shot him in the butt — sounds more like he was putting the barrel of the gun in his pants behind his back when he either accidentally pulled the trigger — or — the trigger got caught on his belt and fired into his butt. Next time just use a holster, bet the gun came with one.

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Big Guns and Ammo

Georgia passes a law allowing gun owners with a Georgia Weapons Carry License to be armed with their handgun in some bars, churches, school zones, government buildings and certain parts of airports. A few days later a 19-year old package handler at a FedEx warehouse in the Atlanta, GA suburb of Kennesaw arrived at the facility and proceeded to shoot 6 people and then kill himself. His weapon of choice? A huge Rambo-like assault rifle. Good thing he didn’t use a handgun. That would have been legal.

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Well, Back To Florida

State Senator Dwight Bullard (D) has filed an amendment to a concealed carry bill that includes “an act relating to the zombie apocalypse.”

Senator Bullard said he doesn’t really believe a zombie apocalypse is actually coming and only filed the amendment to shed light on an important bill. His only issue is with the bill. The bill gives people the right to carry arms in emergencies. “Crisis+Guns=A lot of death”, he tweeted.

Let’s hope there are no “Thriller” re-enactments in Florida.

Zombie_ID_Chart

 

Do NOT Do the Dew

Creel Elementary School Principal Kathryn Eward has been told to stop serving Mountain Dew to students as part of the preparation of taking the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test.

For 10 years students at the elementary school have been given 3 tablespoons of the soda  along with some trail mix. Principal Eward said “it was part of an effort to get kids excited about the FCAT. ”  The soda was given out in 3oz. dixie cups. Now the elementary school students will get water and trail mix. Who knows? Maybe the test scores will be improved now, and isn’t that what we all want?

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God Knows

A 26-year old Russian native who was named after his grandfather is suing Equifax for refusing to correct its system so it can recognize his name as legitimate. Equifax customer representatives suggested he change his name instead and the issue would be resolved.

God Gazarov owns a Brighton Beach, New York, jewelry store and graduated from Brooklyn College. According to God he has high credit scores with the two other major credit agencies, so why should Equifax be any different? Because Equifax shows there is no financial history for God.

Maybe if they added his last name they’d find something. Just sayin’.

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Going Tyson

South Florida resident Thomasina Paige, 21, attacked an acquaintance in the parking lot of a Miami Subs in Riviera Beach. Witnesses told police they tried to break up the fight but Paige still had the victim’s ear in her mouth. After they were finally separated, Paige grabbed a metal bike chain (no word on where she got it) and whipped it at the victim who fought back with a pair of scissors (no word on where they came from), stabbing Paige.

THE NEXT DAY, Paige and another friend jumped the victim at the park. The victim called the cops who were able to track down Paige and her friend.

Thomasina Paige was being held on a $28,000 bond.

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Animal Torture Porn?

When I read this headline I expected they were talking about bestiality but no, they were talking about something infinitely worse than that. They were talking about pornographic actresses in videos torturing chickens, rabbits and other animals for the “sexual gratification of its viewers”, according to police.

In one scene 28-year old Sara Zamora is seen “groping a man’s genitals with one hand while cutting off a chicken’s neck with hedge clippers with the other hand.” She admitted to karate-chopping the necks of rabbits and to killing them.

She was charged with 8 counts of animal cruelty. Miami-Dade detectives, yes, Florida—-again, were alerted to the video by PETA.

It seems that videos depicting animal torture and death is illegal under Florida law. I guess if the target audience was watching in person everything would be hunky-dory and allowed to continue.

Please, America, isn’t there some way we can cut our country’s losses and let Florida drift out to sea? Florida has got to go!

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In terms of good news, there is no good news.

 

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Thanks for reading. Until next time..

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Comments

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About Jane Gray 58 Articles
Born in the '50s, grew up in the '60s, got married in the '70s. Gave birth in the '80s and started collecting social security in 2013. My time is my own and I don't mind sharing my opinions on everything with everybody. I hate injustice, the truth is easier to remember than a lie. I like the New England Patriots, the Boston Celtics, the New York Mets, and that English futbol team from Liverpool.

8 Comments

  1. Call me filthy minded, but, if you snip off Flordia it looks like that America just got bobbed… as in Lorena Bobbitted.

  2. Good old Florida, the place I’ll eventually call home. Seems like the whole state is occupied by retirees and crazy people. However, I will say that Miami Subs do have some nice wings. Not sure if they are good enough to go Tyson on someone in the parking lot, though.

  3. I always thought that’s what Florida looked like. There’s a gif floating around from a Bugs Bunny cartoon showing Bugs sawing Florida off the map and it drifts out to sea. I was going to post it in the blog but I’m not sure how to post gifs here, so I just used a still shot of it.

  4. I had a few Great-Aunts and Uncles move down to Florida after they retired. They’d come back to MA for a visit wearing sweaters in 80 degree weather and complain about being cold.

  5. Never did find out what the fight was all about. I figure some man had to be involved. No one goes that far over stolen lipstick.

  6. My Dad tried that last year after only moving down after a few months. I laughed at him. The same way I laugh at Floridians, when they complain that it’s “only” 60 degrees. Got a little family down there, and when I’d visit them during the winter they’d look at me like I was nuts for going out at night with only a t-shirt. Had to explain to them that back in New York where it’s below freezing, 60 degrees feels like a sauna.

  7. Disney and Dr Seuss are ruining our kids. We’ve got to blame somebody, right? But with all the special interest groups looking out for them, why are they still so screwed up?

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