Musings From the Bench

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TURBO

 

Theo has a big dream. He wants to race as fast as his idol 5 time Indy 500 Champion, Guy Gagne.

Theo is obsessed with speed. There’s just one small problem — Theo is an ordinary, garden variety garden snail.

He spends his days working in a tomato garden with his brother Chet and about 2 dozen or so other garden snails keeping the plants healthy and devoid of overripe fruit. But his nights he spends watching video of his idol’s Indy 500 races and climbing onto the TV screen making it look like he and Guy are racing each other. This annoys his brother because they need their sleep so they can go to work in the morning.

The workday begins when the whistling tea kettle in the kitchen of the garden’s owner whistles and the snails make their way to the garden. At this time a crow swoops down and snatches a snail on the way to work.

It seems a snail’s life is fraught with danger. Out of the garage comes a little boy that Theo has named Juice Box. Juice Box rides a Big Wheel and gets enormous satisfaction in “popping” snails with it. Another danger they face is the Evil Mower that the hired gardener uses to mow the lawn.

All the snails are waiting for the day when Big Red, a beautiful beefsteak tomato is ripe enough to harvest. That day comes but Big Red drops and then rolls onto the lawn and it just so happens to be the day the gardener is there to cut the grass. In Theo’s head it has become a race between himself and the Evil Mower. While Chet and the others are screaming at him to come back and to tuck and roll, Theo believes he is setting a blistering pace to rescue Big Red. The only thing that saves Theo from being chewed up by the Evil Mower is a stream of water from the garden hose held by his brother and a few other snails. Big Red doesn’t fare so well.

The garden snail boss pulls Chet aside to tell him if he doesn’t talk to his brother Theo about this racing nonsense, then he will.

That night after work Chet tries to talk sense into Theo — to give up his big dream and be happy being a garden snail.

Theo leaves home wandering aimlessly until he ends up on the railing of a highway overpass and sees all the fast moving cars. He makes his way down to the curbing and sees a bright light in the sky and starts making a wish — until he sees the brightness isn’t a star to wish upon, but an incoming airplane. Despondent once again, Theo gets a little too close to the road when an 18-wheeler drives by and the wind sucks Theo off the curb and he goes tumbling and flying and bouncing off things until he lands on the hood of what would be called a hot rod in my day. This car and the one next to it are revving their engines in anticipation of the hot chick letting go of the starters cloth.Turbo-DreamWorks-Chevy-Camaro-Movie-General-Motors

 

The cars take off, Theo screams and then realizes he’s racing and yells to the driver to go faster. It’s at this point Theo gets sucked into the air intake and travels through the engine compartment. When the driver hits the nitrous oxide button, Theo is sent through the liquid and it changes his DNA. The next thing he knows he’s back on the street having been blown out the exhaust pipe. On his way back home, Theo’s eyes are projecting headlight-like lights, when he bumps into something sirens go off and sometimes when he opens his mouth, music comes out.

It’s the next day and the snails are going to work. When Juice Box comes out of the garage on his Big Wheel he adjusts his sunglasses and makes a beeline for his first snail of the day. He believes he ran it over but is shocked when he backs up and nothing is there. He tries again and fails, he tries again and fails, tries once more and fails. Theo is now on top of the front wheel and making the Big Wheel with Juice Box sitting on it go backwards so fast that the kid falls off and the bike ends up destroying a majority of the tomato garden. Theo and Chet are fired on the spot and are now on their own.

Remember the crows? Well one of them grabs Chet and flies off with him and Theo gives chase. The birds land on the hood of Dos Bros Taco truck and while they argue over Chet, Theo rescues him in the nick of time and ends up in the crow himself. What he does to that crow forces it to cough him up and he and Chet are reunited. The crows fly away and the driver of the taco truck captures Theo and Chet for the snail races he conducts in the parking lot of the Starlight Strip Mall where he and his brother’s taco stand is. Theo races against 5 other snails leaving them in his dust and practically destroying the makeshift race track.

Tito wants to promote the snail races so people will return to the strip mall and support not only the taco stand but the nail salon, hobby shop and auto body shop.

His scheme doesn’t work but while talking to Theo a delivery truck with the image of Guy Gagne advertizing the energy drink he uses (sure he does, cough, cough) stops at the traffic light. As soon as Theo sees the words ‘Indy 500’ on the truck, he takes off and circles the logo until Tito understands what Theo wants. A chance to race in the Indy 500.

With the $20,000 entrance fee, the 7 snails (5 original snails plus Theo and Chet), along with investors from the strip mall (auto body shop, nail salon and hobby shop) Tito sets out for Indianapolis in the taco truck all the while ignoring the calls from his brother, sure that he wants to know what happened to the life savings of Dos Bros Taco Stand.

They arrive at the racetrack and try to register Theo – aka – Turbo but they’re turned down. Turbo sees his idol Guy Gagne being interviewed on the track and even though Turbo is in Tito’s pocket, speedily makes his way to Guy and the media while the representative of the track tries to have them removed. As Tito explains why they’re there, Guy wants to see just how fast this snail is and Turbo is given the chance to qualify .Guy’s top speed after 4 laps was 230mph putting him in the Number 1 spot. Turbo’s top speed after 4 laps was 226mph giving him the Number 2 spot.

A young racing fan took video of Turbo racing with his cellphone and posted it online. Social media being what it is this video spread like wildfire until the CEO of the Indy 500 had to say the snail could race. As Turbo’s brother Chet puts it, “32 fire breathing dragons and you”.

Race Day!! If Turbo thought avoiding one Big Wheel was tricky, now he has to avoid 128 tires — a nearly impossible task UNTIL his all snail pit crew tells him to stop racing like a car.

CUE the music from Rocky.

Not to give away too much of the ending but, grit and determination can take you only so far but when you believe in something, miracles do happen and sometimes they don’t.

TURBO is a very enjoyable Dreamworks Animated SKG movie for ages 5 and up starring the voices of:

Ryan Reynolds………………………………………………………….Theo/Turbo

Paul Giamatti…………………………………………………………….Chet

Snoop Dogg………………………………………………………………Smoove Move

Maya Rudolph……………………………………………………………Burn

Ben Schwartz…………………………………………………………….Skidmark

Michael Patrick Bell……………………………………………………White Shadow

Samuel L. Jackson……………………………………………………Whiplash

Bil Hader……………………………………………………………………Guy Gagne

Michael Pena…………………………………………………………….Tito

Luis Guzman……………………………………………………………..Angelo

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As Guy Gagne’s father used to say, “No dream is too big, no dreamer’s too small.”

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About Jane Gray 58 Articles
Born in the '50s, grew up in the '60s, got married in the '70s. Gave birth in the '80s and started collecting social security in 2013. My time is my own and I don't mind sharing my opinions on everything with everybody. I hate injustice, the truth is easier to remember than a lie. I like the New England Patriots, the Boston Celtics, the New York Mets, and that English futbol team from Liverpool.

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