Who Dunnit? Game of Thrones!

Who Shot JR?

Who cares? Who killed the little bastard! Joffery, one of the greatest villians since – Hell, who is better than Joffery? I come to Westeros every Sunday just waiting to watch than  this dude. Someone killed him, and did it far too painlessly.

So our Game of Thrones fans- David and EJ, present candidates and opinions.

Again, neither of us have red the books, so don’t be that person, ok?

David’s Picks (In Order)

Tyrion LannisterTyrion

Maybe he did have Joffery killed. He does love his nephew-and lawd knows he can’t be any worse.

Why? Cause Tyrion knows that Joffery started the war by being an ass, and he’s only gotten worse. There is a tendency for the Lannisters to do what is right by the kingdom- even if they don’t get the credit. They might be an evil house, but they’re not chaotic evil (D&D!!!) Jamie did what is right by killing the Mad King, and even though he may suffer forever for breaking his oath, Jamie would do it again. Tyrion would too.

Why not?
Cause Tyrion knows that he would be a suspect doing it that way, and let be honest, he’s too smart to be that obvious. I don’t think Tyrion would kill anyone unless he had no other choice in the matter, and he could have done Joffery in far simpler than in front of this many witnesses.

Verdict: NO

Oberyn MartellOberyn Martell.

Why? Cause he hates the Lannisters, and his sister was yanked off the throne, raped and murdered on the word of the guy who’s grandson just got put on the throne.

Why not?
Too easy. He strikes me as the guy who wants to look someone in their eye- to KNOW who it is that is killing them, and they are beaten- THEN watch them bleed out. If Tywin was the one dying? I could see it being him. But not the King yet- he’d be perfectly willing to watch the capital burn instead of killing the idiot kid with the gas can and matches. Lets also be honest. He wants Ser Gregor Clegane to die first. He did the deed, even if it was under Tywin’s command. He has to die first.

Verdict: No


Ok, now she has lost all control over her son. True, most of it was gone already since she cannot control him, or his outbursts, but so far he has left her world alone, and now being the top female in the land is gone- like the Undertaker’s streak. Margaery has not only captured Joffrey’s heart-or whatever passes for it, but the love of the people as well, and got even Joffrey himself cheered by the crowd.
Her other power base, the small council, has been reduced by her own father, who flat told her that she was not as smart as she thought she was.
The next in line for the Iron Throne is her youngest son. He isn’t has brazen as Joffrey, isn’t close to having a personality yet, and so far there is no political marriage match for him; Arya would be close, as soon as we find out she’s alive, and then there is Shireen Baratheon, but that would be a match of first cousins- if you take Joffrey as legitimate. Cousins have married each other all over the history books on Earth, so its not the biggest roadblock. That would be her lack of Revlon in Westeros.
So Cersei has literally years of being Queen Regent 2.0 and by the time he is of marrying age- Tywin could easily be in the grave. This time Cersei picks the Queen, and makes sure she keeps her position.
She also can get rid of Tyrion if she wishes. Even letting him twist for years before letting him out.
A final bonus is now the people care that she has lost her son at the height of his popularity, and his legend will only grow in time.
Why Not?
Its her kid.
She was already working on undermining the Queen before the cake even came out the oven, Cersei isn’t into just in case- which might be her biggest downfall- and she is really good at moving pieces around the chessboard, but isn’t so good at moving herself.

Verdict: She’s my number 2 pick. I just can’t see it- but women have killed their kids for far less. Lets face it, her daughter is gone, her lover is a wreck, and not nearly as dashing. She’s gonna get paired with a pillow-biter, her father doesn’t respect her, so what does she have left? She can’t touch the Queen, and the bitch wants to get knocked up ASAP as well!

SansaSansa Stark

Why: She obviously hates Joffrey, and has been abused pretty much every which way by him.She may have thought that Tyrion may not have the physical attributes to protect her, and Bronn might not be there forever.

Also, pure revenge.

Joffery started the war tby killing her father. He ended the war when her mother and brother were killed. She also has no idea where her sister vanished to, and as far as she knows, her other two brothers are dead.

Oh, and the rest of her bannermen and family is wiped out.

Did I mention the fact she’s married to a dwarf, expected to have kids by him and get sent to the coldest place in the 7 kingdoms? To think only a short time ago she was going to marry that dreamy Loras, and move to Highgarden with all the pretty flowers and dresses.

Yeah. The Fool (Ser Dontos) simply has nothing else to live for, having no kids and no prospects and Joffrey took his rank. He could have put poison all over the necklace he gave her in Episode One, and left Sansa simply waiting for the oppertunity. Joffery kicking the cup under the table was perfect timing. Next thing you know the Fool, Sansa, and Shae are on a boat escaping Kings Landing.

Why Not? Well, her Mom was an idiot with HORRIBLE planning skills. Her Dad was a trusting fool. Her Brother got lead by his heart strings, Arya is impulsive and has the WOLRD’S GREATEST HORSESHOE firmly up her backside. How did this family survive? Maybe with help she could do it, but she has a staggering ability to not know whats best for her.

EJ’s Picks

OK, David. I see you’ve ran through your candidates. Well, I have two of my own. Please understand that I haven’t read the books but I’m a fan of the series, and thanks to the recent marathon on HBO I had a chance to re-watch the first 3 seasons and I picked up on some things that I missed the first time around. Game of Thrones is a show that you have to pay attention to the dialogue. Something that sounds like a throwaway line is actually pretty important, and things have a way of coming back. So who do I think killed Joffrey? I submit Lord Petyr Baelish a.k.a. Littlefinger, and Olenna Redwyne a.k.a. the grandmother of Margaery Tyrell.

Lord BaelishPetyr Baelish

In suspecting Littlefinger I thought back to something he said to Varys in Season One. “Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.” Killing Joffrey throws Kings Landing and the whole 7 Kingdoms into chaos, but it’s in that world that Baelish thrives. Remember Littlefinger is a man that always felt like he was meant for bigger things and to overcome the circumstances of his low birth. He’s a constant schemer that uses people and opportunity for his own gain. In killing Joffrey, and using Ser Dontos to escape with Sansa Stark, he only reinforces his position. Although Baelish wasn’t at the wedding, he can easily scheme to make it happen. Remember people think the Stark boys are dead, and Sansa is the key to the North as the heir to Winterfell. Also, remember that the Lannisters believe that Petyr is on the way to the Eyrie to marry Lysa Arryn, who also happens to be Sansa’s aunt. Since Cersei suspects her brother Tyrion, if Tyrion is eased out of the way, that would open the way for Baelish to use Sansa to his advantage in the game of intrigue that is the Game of Thrones.

Olenna RedwyneOlenna Redwyne

Olenna, the grandmother to Margaery, and the defacto head of House Tyrell is a powerful woman. If it wasn’t for the Tyrells the Lannisters would have lost control of the 7 Kingdoms to Stannis Baratheon. The Tyrells know this, but Joffrey, Tywin, and the rest of the Lanister clan (with the exception of Tyrion) hasn’t given the Tyrells their due. This is something that clearly sticks in Olenna’s craw as we saw in her interaction with Tywin before the wedding feast. Also, Olenna knows Joffrey was a monster. She couldn’t have sat back and allowed Margaery to marry him. However, look back at the episode. Olenna approaches Sansa and consoles her over the murder of Robb at a wedding. She made clear her distaste of murdering a man at a wedding. It doesn’t mean that she herself was above it. Now I know we’re led to believe that the wine poisoned Joffrey, however I don’t think so. I think it was the pie that killed him. We only saw Joffrey eating the pie. The pie that was a gift from . . .  House Tyrell! Killing Joffrey means that Margaery might not be queen but if I may use an example from English History to consolidate my argument: Catherine of Aragon was wedded to Prince Arthur of England in 1501 but Arthur died a few months later. Due to her claim that the marriage was unconsummated, she was permitted to marry Arthur’s younger brother, the future King Henry VIII. I won’t be surprised if Margaery claiming her marriage was unconsummated, just as she claimed her marriage to Renly was unconsummated, will be married off to the new King: Tommen.joffreypurple

All I’m saying is now that Joffrey is out of the way, we’re going to have an interesting time over the rest of this season while we determine who exactly killed the mean old monster.

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  1. I have never seen this show… I know only what I see here or in the entertainment section pages of the NYDN… I also know I should never make rash judgments based on appearances… but… I gotta say… just looking at this guy’s pics makes me believe I wanna chop his nuts off or something.

  2. As a fan of the show I’d tell you that you’d enjoy it, but it would be best for you to start from the beginning. Getting in on the show now, may leave you a little lost.

  3. Many applauded when Joffrey died. I know I did. I had to restrain myself for not celebrating on Facebook. To avoid spoiling it.

  4. I’ve never seen this show either, just the memes about it at Icanhazcheezburger.com, and just by the looks of this Joffrey douchie I can tell I’d want him roasting on an open fire.

  5. Funny thing is the actor is beloved by the cast. He’s a noted nice guy, who has been so turned off by playing such a sadistic character that he’s retiring from acting. He’s only 21 but he’s leaving acting for academia.

  6. There was an actress from the show The Wonder Years named Danica McKellar, she played the role of Winnie. She, too quit acting and graduated Summa cum Laude from UCLA with a degree in Mathematics. and even proved a new math theorem, the Chayes-McKellar-Winn Theorem. She returned to acting so maybe whathisface will too..

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