There is no chance this is going to be the worst of the series, so we may not end the series in the highest point, but we wont end it at the lowest. So lets get to the Show, Shall we?
We go WayBack to 1939, and the Bodega Bay. Some kid named Danny is making furniture, and apparently war is starting. Danny would be going, but he has a bad leg.
Holdup, we are a good 2 years away from the US entry into WW2, and if this is spring, the only ones fighting are the Chinese and Japanese right now. Britain hasn’t even mobilized yet ( “Piece in our time” after Hitler takes Czechoslovakia.)
Ok, so Danny says he’s going to help Toulon and try and make some extra money fixing his puppets. We get a quick backstory of Toulon, because after 8 movies, some of us might not be clear. As he gets to Toulons floor, we hear a gunshot and 2 men are leaving the hotel, brushing by Danny. So we are firmly in the middle of the first movie then. Going into Toulons room, he sees Toulon’s body- and DECIDES TO LOOT THE PLACE. We have an issue with Film #1 already, and Danny immediately goes after the “hidden” wall panel and steals the trunk. Nice Kid.
Danny goes to see his family. Mom is a typical mom, and brother is being shipped off to war the next week to wait the next year and a half before, you know, it starts. The two Nazis go visit a Japanese Opera place and meet Ozu, who speaka veddy bad inglash. I no maka fun ofa da foreineras coos she promounce a word differently each time she say et. She puts a plan out there to destroy a factory to end the US’s war machine- against almost 2 years away- that must be some factory. Ozu also takes time to shoot down the main German’s advances.
Danny goes to take his girlfriend Beth out to lunch, and he’s late, and gets a earful from Beth’s boss about being a weenie about not going to a war that hasn’t started yet. He also see the main German there, and he warns Beth about him, she blows him off for being jealous and her just being a dumb female, he he he.
Danny trails the Main German back to the Ozu, and hears the whole plan. Danny Skips out, but the Main German sees him. After Max leaves the plant, Danny follows him back to the Opera House, and uncovers their plan. Danny is seen by the Main German, and he remembers him from the Inn, and calls the Inn to get his home address. Might be the smartest guy in the entire series. The Main German comes to the house, and caps Mom and the Brother, and kidnaps Beth. Kind of a stunner. Capping the Brother you kinda had the feeling was gonna happen since there was a new puppet with no “mind” that Danny the Looter picked up at Toulons.
So Danny comes home, and finds mom dead, and overcome with a “meh” emotion, he finds his brother dying. He reads Toulons Diary and puts his brother in the new Puppet.
Let me say that again.
Danny comes home, finds his brother bleeding, snaps open Toulons dairy and slaps his brother into the new Puppet, mixing some of his blood and squirting it into the new puppet.
There is no ring used-
There is no Mighty Morphin Power Rangers chant-
There is no “spark of life”-
There was no magic wood that turns into metal when done-
Oh, and I’m guessing that the same diary that did nothing for Peter LAST MOVIE to learn the secrets and then set itself on fire!
Ok, Moving on.
Danny tells the puppets he’s the only one that gets to be a criminal in this town, and he’s going to get Beth back, since he’s a cripple with a bad leg that doesn’t limp. Oh! You forgot there was Puppets in this movie too?
Lets just skip the whole Japanese Dragon Lady for a bit, as she’s ordering around Japanese men in headbands. Lets also skip the fact that Beth is talking about Hitler being a mass murderer, since that hasn’t happened yet. The Kamikaze pilots, since thats a whole 5 years away and all her talking about truth, justice and the American Way is going to win out.
One of the Japanese men is eating Sushi, so Leech Woman spits a Leech on it and when he eats it, he dies- so the Puppets have FINALLY hit the board! Pinhead trips the other Japanese man and Tunneler kills him. The Man Nazi says that the Japanese are weak, and Ninja kills the other German guy, so that theory is out the window.
Danny saves Beth, and they have a bomb to threaten Ozu with. The Main German betrays Ozu, and doesn’t care about the bomb. Ninja stabs him in the back before he dies from earlier injuries in the battle- and in the confusion, Ozu runs off with a that still has Tunneler, Jester and Leech Woman in it, but Danny still has Blade and Pinhead to go fighting Nazis. Ninja is dead, so bye bro.
Danny says that he’s bringing the war to her and gonna get the puppets he stole back so he can put them back in the wall so they can come back out in 50 years.
So how is the Movie?
Its BAD, its Really bad. No one cares about the Puppets until we are an hour in, and they just knock off the minor people. The kills are a joke, one is acting, one is an obvious camera angle and the others are off camera. The acting is bad. I mean REALLY bad, except for one person in particular. Ozu. She makes the whole movie worth watching. She is so bad. I mean BAD. I found myself putting up with Danny the thief and his ignorant brother and the Germans. Ozu is just awesome. I mean I want to see her more and more.
FINAL Murder Board-
These are known kills- or can be 100% assumed ones. I’m not doing half points.
Tunneler 7 (+1)
Leech Woman 4 (+1)
Ninja 2 (+2)
Six Shooter 1
The Humans killed a total of 3 Puppets (Tunneler, Leech Woman and Ninja) but all but Ninja has come back.
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