WTF… December 25th… Christmas Day

thCAV0HISP A-Swift-Kick-In-The-Nuts-2-o9slsl

1) Saw this on the wire services on Thursday (12/19): In California, some 69-year old dude was working on his pickup truck when

Michael Heller
Michael Heller

Michael Heller, 21, jumped into the driver’s seat and literally stole off with the vehicle. Cops caught up with Heller and arrested him for vehicle theft and possession of a stolen vehicle.

His excuse for stealing the truck? So he’d be on time for his court appearance. The case? Stealing a motor vehicle, or, exactly the same crime he for which he was being arrested.

Dumbass trophy alert bells are ringing for this …. well… dumbass.

Listen up, if anyone is gonna be late for a court case, any court case, it is decidedly bad form to go around stealing a vehicle from someone who happens to be standing right there. And if you do steal such a vehicle it would really be advisable to get off the road and out of sight as fast as possible… or at least have some type of exit plan…

But, something tells me this “person” was not quite bright enough to figure things out that far ahead of time.

It’s now unclear how he’ll make it to his next court appearance. Or, if he actually made bail…

Now, let’s just hope he doesn’t go knock off a few liquor stores so he can “buy” a ride to his next court case and take care of his soon to be enormous fines, court fees, etc…  when he does finally have his inevitable day in court.

2) Okay, it’s been way too long for no JLaw stories… or pics… Soooo… on Thursday I read in the NYDN how she popped in on Conan O’Brien’s show and regaled everyone with a titillating tale of how a hotel maid came to tidy up her room, found, and, then neatly arranged a variety of sex toys on her bed that she had tried to hide under the bed before leaving the room.

What’s that, you say?

jlaw and Conan1

 

jlaw and conan3Lawrence tells it like this: “This is actually really funny. Somebody as a joke bought me a bunch of butt plugs… I had a copious amount of butt plugs. Tons of butt plugs. All different kinds of colors and the maid was coming so I was like, ‘Well I’ll just shove this under the bed so she doesn’t see all these butt plugs.’ She might not know they are for a joke… Then I came back and all of them were brought out of the bed and were in this beautiful display on my bedside table.”

jlaw on conanNow I know this is gonna make me sound a tad like a dirty old man, but, this somehow makes me like her even more.

Interestingly, when O’Brien asked her what she would do if she wasn’t an actress, she said, “I would be a hotel maid because I loves beds and bathroom and spraying and going through everybody’s stuff.”

The NYDN said, “Well, alright then.”

I concur… or, something like that…  Honestly, I cannot even come up with anything remotely pithy to add here… just, JLaw, who’d a ever thunk it of you?

3) Over the weekend I saw this piece about a 19-year old gun toting punk on a Seattle bus harassing and robbing passengers. Surveillance video from the bus shows the jackass robbing two men of their cell phones and then walking down the bus aisle and pointing his weapon towards another passenger… except this time that passenger, who obviously has just had his “Enough! This shit stops now!” moment lunges forward and tries to get the gun away from the would be thief.

At this point one of the other two guys who just got robbed, as well as some other passengers, jump into the fracas; dump the robber down on the bus floor; disarm him and wait for police to arrive. bus thug thwarted

While, I don’t know what I would have done in that exact situation… I mean guns are freaking scary things when you are on the wrong side of one, I personally know the feeling… been there and wish I had not done that… but, I think I know that if someone had the balls to try and take a weapon away from a wannabe gangster, like that guy who tried to get the gun away from that punk had done did, then I’d a been there with the others jumping into the fray.

I don’t know what makes some people think they can just get a weapon and go about taking things from other folks… Yeah, I know desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures, but whether it be losing a job, not being able to pay the bills or the need for drugs or whatever, there is always another way to get over… to survive. Hell, people… people like you and me…  do it every day without ever resorting to sticking a freaking gun in someone’s face and saying “Give it up.”

The 19 year old, who curiously had recently graduated high school and had no criminal history, was arrested at the scene; booked on robbery charges and ordered held in lieu of $350,000 bail. He faces a potential 15 years behind bars if convicted.

My advice? Take whatever plea deal you can get and do your best to get off the drugs (just my opinion here) and then fly right by immersing yourself into living a life of being an honest man doing the best you can…

“Honest Man”                                                                                                                                                                                                 (Lowell George & Fred Tackett)

Lowell George (4/13/45 - 6/29/79)
Lowell George (4/13/45 – 6/29/79)
Fred Tackett
Fred Tackett

somebody?
can you tell me
about the difference
of one man to another?
how come some people
are always runnin’ down
everybody around them?
his excuses
thinks we’re fools
we are useless

he don’t know
how to live and let live
how to give when he takes
all he makes, a lot of heartbreak
is that the way of an honest man?
is he doin’ the best he can?
is that the way of an honest man
doin’ the best he can?

I got some good friends
you know they’re satisfied
most the time with a little with a little peace, peace of mind
they don’t need no alibis
no excuses, no tellin’ lies

you know they know
how to live and let live
how to give when they take they never make a lot of heartbreak
honest man
doin’ the best he can
that’s the way of an honest man
doin’ the best he can

honest man
doin’ the best he can
it don’t take a vision or a religion
just understanding
it’s not that demanding
you don’t need no alibis
no excuses, no tellin’ lies

when you know
how to live and let live
how to give when you take
never make a lot of heartbreak
and that’s the way of an honest man
doin’ the best he can
that’s the way of an honest man
doin’ the best he can

4) An article that appeared in this past weekend’s NYDN reported that “In remarks eerily reminiscent of the Charles Dickens masterpiece “Oliver Twist,” U.S. Representative Jack Kingston (R-Ga.) said kids living below the poverty level should perform manual labor.”

Dickensian picture It appears that Kingston thinks it would be a good idea if school children cleaned the school cafeteria floors in exchange for free or reduced-price lunches.  In his words, “Why don’t you have the kids pay a dime, pay a nickel to instill in them that there is, in fact, no such thing as a free lunch? Or maybe sweep the floor of the cafeteria?”

First, some of these kids come from families where maybe a nickel or a dime is not that easy to come up with every day. Maybe that sounds a tad farfetched to some, but, for more than you’d like to think, it is a reality. It’s why we have kids sometimes getting their best meal of the day in schools.

Second, hunger is a real problem in this country (as well as throughout the rest of the world where it is many times worse) and it effects kids of families below the poverty level in this country more than any other group.

So, the way I see it is, that by making these children “pay” for their so-called free lunch will not be helping them to learn responsibility rather it will be punishing them further for something that is not of their doing… being poor and hungry.

Congressman Kinsgton needs to get a few visits from some Christmas ghosts, if’n you be asking me.

5)  Sean Penn and Robin Wright’s daughter, Dylan, appears in a new GQ spread and it’s clear where she gets her gorgeous looks from. And, it is decidedly not from Sean…

Dylan with dad, Sean Penn, and, mom, Robin Wright
Dylan with dad, Sean Penn, and, mom, Robin Wright

You should be seeing Dylan a lot more come January as it was announce earlier this month that she has landed a modeling job with Gap Outlet.

 

dylan-penn-gqDylan-Penn-GQ1

dylan-penn

6)  The people over at Baseball-Reference.com have obviously been dipping into the eggnog… and, that is just all right with me… they have put together a player page for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to help get everyone into the Christmas spirit.

Rudolph’s stats say he is 5’3″, 375 lbs and in the recently ended 2013 Holiday League season he hit a career high .312 with 12 home runs… and, he has an 8-year/$114 million contract.  rudolph_front

 

You can also check Rudolph’s numbers against players like Rob Deer, J.T. Snow and Steve Christmas…

 

 

rudolph_back_new

 

 

 

 

 

 

BTW, there is no word if a certain Mr. Claus has any investment in Rudolph’s team, the North Pole franchise.

 

 

7) recently Pope Francis visited his predecessor Benedict XVI Monday to exchange Christmas greetings.

The two men, dressed in white cassocks and skull caps, were photographed meeting at Benedict’s retirement home within the walls of the Vatican.

Pope Benedict (left) and Pope Francis (right)
Pope Benedict (left) and Pope Francis (right)

Come on dude ya’ll is retired now… it’s okay, ya can wear some jeans and flannel shirts now.

 

Don't even think about returning your glass to the bar!
Don’t even think about returning your glass to the bar!

8) Now this one takes the cake in my mind: Seems some French bureaucrat dumbasses heard that customers at Mamm-Kounifl concert-café in Locmiquélic, northern France were returning their trays to the bar and decided to investigate this horrendous crime.

french crimefighters

And, once undercover agents from the social security agency URSAFF saw a customer returned some empty glasses to a bar counter they sprang into action; pinned one of the bar’s two owner’s against a glass partition, as another agent accosted the other owner; flashed an ID and announced they were conducting a URSSAF check. They told the two owners they been caught using “undeclared labor” which was an infringement of French labor laws because customers were acting like waiters.

The URSAFF briefly took the owners into custody and assessed them a  €7,900 ($12,500) fine.  Eventually, the bar’s customers vouched for the owners which led to a French prosecutor’s office investigation of the crime of the century which ultimately said there was no case worth pursuing due to the fact that no crime, of the century or otherwise, had been committed.However, though the owners escaped charges, the URSSAF is now seeking action in court against them due to non-payment of the original fine.

And, then the French government dares to wonder why about 72% of French citizens think their government officials are corrupt…

9) Some Christmas cheer…

Bar Refaeli
Bar Refaeli

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Audrina Patridges
Audrina Patridges

 

 

 

 

 

Katy Perry
Katy Perry
Nina Dobrev
Nina Dobrev

 

Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson

10)                                                                  Night before Christmas 1                                                                   ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,christmas 2

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,Visit-from-St-Nick-Thomas-Nast-1869

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

‘Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!’santa-nightbeforechristmas

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,A_Visit_From_St_Nicholas

Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound,

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,Santa's_arrival

And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;nast1_000

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

and I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,santa 3

and filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

and laying his finger aside of his nose,

and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;2-the-night-before-christmas-arthur-rackham

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

and away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night’

santa leaving

And, I leave you with this…

calvin-and-hobbes-christmas1

calvin-hobbes-christmas

Christmas-Security

snowmen

merry-christmas

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