Puppet Master 5: The Final Chapter

Welcome to the 7PoundMovie review of: Puppet Master V.

This should be the last one, since this one is called The Final Chapter, and if Jason has taught us nothing, when a Franchise is called The Final Chapter, thats It, no more. Puppet Master 5

What?

Ok, so we pick up with Rick in Jail, so for the first time we get a followup on the previous movie, not only that we do something I love, the Cops are all, someone killed these people, shouldn’t we arrest someone?

He’s under arrest for the murder of the two other scientists even though A) He was nowhere near there (but near Cameron’s dead body) B) He was nowhere on the premises and C) the Cameras show both victims looking about 18 inches off the ground.

If Rick invented a killer doll. He would get away with it. The Gov’t would cover it up, make him a millionaire and we would be giving about 20 people Lil Baracks for Christmas. For some reason they have Blade in shrink wrap, but no mention of Cameron, Lauren is in the hospital, but here is Ricks Boss to make it all better. He is all kinds of interested in Ricks story, and for some reason buys it.

Hold up, so Rick does have magical puppets, but had nothing to do with the deaths of two PhDs that were doing the same work? Ok.

Blade gets out of the evidence locker- Question: when they tested him for blood, did they get the trace of the blood from Part 1? but Blade gets out, and escapes when Susie picks Rick up from the jail after he gets released. No Bail or anything, just ok, you be good from now on, ok?

Ok, so now Sutekh is back, doing the same yelling and ranting about Toulon stealing the formula for life, and he has to die and all the people who know have to die.

So add in the security guards, the cops and Rick, if this was so important, why didn’t Sutekth do something in the FIFTY YEARS the puppets were in a trunk in the wall and Toulon was dead? I mean off-season at the inn would have been what? 2 people to deal with?

Jennings takes 3 idiots, I mean tough guys with him to go collect the puppets, you would think Rick would be ok with this since he could have control over whats going on, why Jennings is being sneaky, I have no idea. I mean you spirit Rick and Puppets to an overseas locale, and he can keep working on getting this thing done.

Ok, so Sutekh is making a Mini-Me, and we have several cut scenes of him gyrating and making . . . really disturbing statements.

Ok, if you just listen to the Power Rangers guy with his Mini Me. He gets DIRTY.PM5 creepy

“Take my Essence within you”

Prepare to take my power
I am growing inside you
Receive my power within you

Take the life force from me
Drink from the fountain of evil my child

I MEAN DAAAAAMN

But my favorite is his first line:

What I have created, let no man tear asunder

So he not only made his Mini-Me drink his life force, he also married the little guy.

Got a Question though, Sutekh doesn’t inject any formula into the doll, and in 4 movies no one has done any chanting, and no dead person was put into the Mini-Me, so uh, whats the secret again that Toulon bought/stole in Egypt?

So now he lets the Mini-Me got to the Inn, but Lauren is freaking out, and she is able to channel into  . . Rick’s Computer???

So she can not only take over dolls, but now take over the TRS-80? Holy Sheep-dip!

Funny thing is when Rick is pounding away at the keyboard and screaming at it.
He’s just hitting the Numbers Keys. I understand he’s supposed to be a coder, but 92803921099202939 really doesn’t do anything . .. even in Java.

ok, So we are FOREVER into this movie. But Rick has gotten the puppets together, he knows they have to go after the Mini-Me. Rick and puppets are trying to assemble the Decapitator.

So Mini-Me is coming to wipe out the Hotel and get the formula back.

So, here we go, Our sides. pm5 evil puppet

1. Mini Me Totem

vs

6 Puppets, 3 hired thugs, Rick, Susie, Jennings and the Lauren PC- Sadly not as good as the Computer from Superman III.

Who’s got money on the Mini-me?

Should I put that under the spoilers or I am being obvious?

So this movie.

Holy shit did we go downhill. As you can tell we got no kills yet, and other than Lauren in the tub in a “dream” sequence, not much to hold my interest. (Lauren is HOT, and I hate bubbles)

The Puppets, again have done squat so far. This is PUPPET MASTER, not Rick’s Story Part 2. This is easily the worst movie so far. Hey less bad costumes, less villains from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and lets just get some Demon Puppets vs the “Good” Puppets. Put some spooky looking dude in a cloak, have him throw some puppets through the pyramid, and lets get some action, then have Rick finish the Decapitator to finish the battle off and seal the pyramid, then Toulon pop up to say he is still with us.

This movie?

I can honestly say this is the worst of the series so far.

3.0

 

Spoilers Shead

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