The Donelosthismind Chronicles 11/26

Welcome the Donelosthismind Chroniclesnsfw

This is again the Best of the Facebook Feed from the creator.

Not safe for work.

 

You have been warned.

 

10) Complaints must be submitted in writing ~ list each gripe separately on a 3 X 5 card Then fold the card in half neatly and stick it up your ass!

9) Dear Neighbor,
Last night I believe I could hear you, and your GF having sex….
Do you mind being louder?
It was hard for me to masturbate,
while holding a cup on the wall………

8) Whenever a woman asks me why I watch porn, I’m immediately aware she has no idea what she’s talking about. I don’t “watch” porn, that’d be ridiculous… the actors are awful and the plots are absurd. It’s just ambiance for this other thing I do, like when housewives stare out the kitchen window and dream of better lives while doing the dishes.

7) Sometimes after a hard day, she dims the lights and sobs uncontrollably. I desperately want to comfort her… but then she’ll know I’m in the house.

6) I wanted to write a poem about you but I’m having a difficult time finding the words to rhyme with chlamydia infected narcissistic harpy whore.

5) The first time is a learning experience, the 2nd time is a mistake, the 3 rd time well you just a dumb ass

4) He who seeks revenge should burn the bodies… “digging graves” is exhausting.

3) Just realized, my life will never be complete until I tell someone to empty the cash drawers and separate the dye packs…

2)  I once had a feeling. And even though I poked holes in the lid… it still died in the jar.

And now, My FAVORITE of ALL-TIME

I wouldn’t give you the sweat off my ass if you were DYING of thirst.

Dennis

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