This is again the Best of the Facebook Feed from the creator.
Not safe for work.
You have been warned.
10) Complaints must be submitted in writing ~ list each gripe separately on a 3 X 5 card Then fold the card in half neatly and stick it up your ass!
9) Dear Neighbor,
Last night I believe I could hear you, and your GF having sex….
Do you mind being louder?
It was hard for me to masturbate,
while holding a cup on the wall………
8) Whenever a woman asks me why I watch porn, I’m immediately aware she has no idea what she’s talking about. I don’t “watch” porn, that’d be ridiculous… the actors are awful and the plots are absurd. It’s just ambiance for this other thing I do, like when housewives stare out the kitchen window and dream of better lives while doing the dishes.
7) Sometimes after a hard day, she dims the lights and sobs uncontrollably. I desperately want to comfort her… but then she’ll know I’m in the house.
6) I wanted to write a poem about you but I’m having a difficult time finding the words to rhyme with chlamydia infected narcissistic harpy whore.
5) The first time is a learning experience, the 2nd time is a mistake, the 3 rd time well you just a dumb ass
4) He who seeks revenge should burn the bodies… “digging graves” is exhausting.
3) Just realized, my life will never be complete until I tell someone to empty the cash drawers and separate the dye packs…
2) I once had a feeling. And even though I poked holes in the lid… it still died in the jar.
And now, My FAVORITE of ALL-TIME
I wouldn’t give you the sweat off my ass if you were DYING of thirst.
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