You Made it past Monday; enjoy
10. I saw a fat lady with a “M.O.B.” tattoo on her arm. I asked “money over b*tches?” She said “No, McDonalds over Burger King.
9. Me: Does it hurt?
Girl: Hehe does what hurt?
Me: When you have to power wash that makeup off your face every night?
8. Just saw a guy getting jumped. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
7. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
6. I have something I want to get onto your chest.
5. Ever hear a girl bitching about being Friendzoned? That’s because men aren’t cruel bastards. That and we’ll basically fuck anything.
4.You don’t judge others? Your loss then. That shit is fun.
3. I love it when people throw out those inspirational updates, like ‘live life to the fullest’ or some shit, after they’ve spent the entire day on Facebook
2. Password to Work, Facebook etc: alphanumeric 24-character fucking cryptex
Password to all the money I have on this earth: 4-digit number
1. Guess what dragons, unicorns and sane women have in common.
Tiny URL for this post: