Made it through Monday?
Then you deserve another edition of . . .
The Donelosthismind Chronicles
. . . You’ve been warned.
1. I put a sock on my doorknob to let people know I’m getting busy with the other sock.
2. Somewhere, right now, a girl is probably contemplating whether or not she can bleach her asshole
– – – with Crest White-Strips.
3. If they can put a man on the moon why can’t they put beer in a tit?
4. ProTip: If she’s screaming: pineapple, fettuccine, spaghetti, Philadelphia, testeroni… she’s probably forgotten the safe word.
5. So what if people upload pictures of food onto Instagram. You’re the dumbass following them.
6.I love it when girls claim to be super talented at fucking as if putting your ass in the air and not talking required a special skill set.
7.What I thought was her tramp stamp turned out to be a wiping problem. :/
8.”This guy seems great, let me see how far I can possibly push him”
“There are no good men left”
– The same goddamn women
9. *drawing vertical stripes on your dick to make it look longer*
10. Friends don’t let friends make ‘Harlem Shake’ videos
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