The Donelosthismind Chronicles

 

1.Every snack you make,… Every meal you bake,… Every bite you take,… I’ll be watching you.nsfw
– my dog.

2. I saw a gal at the gym, wearing sweats with the word “Guess” across the butt. I said..”225?”…

…and THAT is when the fight started…

3. Heat makes things expand. So I don’t have a weight problem, I’m just hot.

4. It’s all fun and games until they bring out the drug-sniffing dogs!

5. An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A Blow Job a day, Keeps the sluts away from your man.

6. So I was having sex with this chick I just met last night. I decided to try a move I had seen on Porn Hub. So I just froze and stopped moving. She said “what are you doing?”, I said its called buffering!

7. I thought I would definitely get the job because I had all the necessary skills they required, but Apparently you can’t put masturbation as a hobby on the application! Whatever!

8. You know, Microsoft, if you had called it ‘Bang’ instead of ‘Bing’, you would have destroyed Google. Example: I just ‘Banged’ Megan Fox .

9. Shot in the dark, but I’m guessing those girls that ask to “borrow” a tampon never return it??????

10. That girl who asks you to do things that you have to Google…

She is the keeper……..

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