New Year, New stuff
10. Kayne West net worth: $90 million, Bruce Springsteen: $200 million, The Rollin Stones: $650 million, Paul McCartney: $800 million……… and they’re on tv asking ME to donate $10?
9. Multi-tasking: So I can make twice the mistakes in half the time.
8. I’m not interested in girls with pretty voices… I think a chick is hot when she knows how to scream
7. We always shorten people’s names to make it easy and convenient. For example, Stephanie is Steph, Samantha is Sammy’, Jennifer is Jen, etc. … my Ex is Veronica, but I call her “Bitch” for short.
6. My New Years resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic. I wonder how long that bullshit fantasy will last.
5. You went from being in a relationship to single? What? … Did you break your hand?
4. If her vagina could talk, it’d say “mmfhdtethmp.” We all know how hard it is to talk with fingers in your mouth.
3. I call my wife a bitch a lot on Facebook. I would never call her that in real life, mostly because she is one mean ass bitch.
2. Confidence, self respect, humility, my penis, patience, honesty and loyalty are some of the qualities I want in a woman.
1. A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, ‘I wish I had bigger tits’. The boyfriend says ‘well what I recommend is to get some tissue paper and rub it between your tits for 2 months’.
‘How will that help to make my tits bigger?’ asks the girlfriend.
‘Well it worked for your ass says the boyfriend.
Bonus Joke from David:
Have you heard of the Tony Romo cologne?
Put it on and the other guy scores
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