The Donelosthismind Chronicals Vol 2. *NSFW*

Welcome to Volume II of the DoneLosthisMond Chronicals.

These are NOT SAFE for little minds, and if you get offended, by all means, don’t read next weeks, cause I don’t think its going to get cleaner.

brain

10  Tits and ass are fantastic, but brains don’t sag.

9 If you want a man to do something, blowjobs work better than bitching. Fact.

8 If you are approaching a 5th wipe you should just take a shower.

7  Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.

6 Bet you’d stop making fun of my footie pajamas if I opened the butt panel.

5 If there’s a pistachio that’s difficult to open, I just move right on to another because life is short and so is my Goddamn temper.

4 Ending a hug with a double tap on the back is a woman’s way of politely banning you from her vagina.

3 We have spent years and countless resources trying to increase the resolution and detail of pictures through digital photography and you morons flock to Instagram….

2 Sometimes I’ll get all worried about my updates hurting someone’s feelings and I cry little tears of stop being a sensitive bitch.

1 If I’m ever talking to a girl, know that at some point I WILL say something so dumb you’ll hear her vagina slam shut like a bank vault door. Every. Fucking. Time. It’s a super power really.

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