Welcome to Volume I of the DoneLosthisMond Chronicals.
Hopefully we can make your Fridays (at the moment) a little more easy to deal with as we wait for the weekend.
These are NOT SAFE for little minds, and if you get offended, by all means, don’t read next weeks, cause I don’t think its going to get cleaner.
10. Can we change “froze like a deer in headlights” to “froze like I tried to put it in her ass without asking”? It’s realistically more relatable.
9. Pick up lines that work.
You’re the most beautiful woman that I ever wanted to fuck a few times with no future commitment.
8. You guys, I was out walking and the sweetest old lady was sitting on her porch and asked me how I was. It broke my heart to tell her to mind her fucking business.
7. Never, and I mean NEVER, take advice from somebody on here. Except for this advice I’m currently giving you. I didn’t think this through….
6. You’re cute as hell when you try to resist me. Now quit struggling, it’ll just make the rope tighter.
5. I’ve known quite a few 6s who became 9s because of a great personality, but I’ve known even more 10s who became 4s due to a shitty one.
4. If I ever find a person that can fold fitted sheets I’m getting the fuck away. It takes a whole lot of crazy to practice that nonsense.
3. Don’t be honest. You just end up hurting feelings and everyone starts hating you. Go out there and lie your sweet fucking ass off.
2. Some men want to watch the world burn…. Personally, I want to be the bastard that sets it afire…
1. Every time I clear the snow off my drive my neighbor says “You can do mine next.” Jesus, it’s bad enough I have to fuck his wife for him!
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